Gina: I'm not gonna help you rob him, Jake. I'm his assistant, and I take that job incredibly seriously.
Jake: You're literally making paper airplanes out of police reports right now.
Gina: Well, how am I supposed to get it into that garbage can?

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm a detective. I will detect.

Amy: I passed a slutty tree on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree?
Scully: Was it a maple?