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Quote from Rosa in the episode Lights Out

Sergeant Jeffords: And those of you patrolling 7th Avenue, please be aware of the new pedal pubs. They're bike-powered mobile bars that are very popular with bachelorette parties. But unfortunately they have led to a dramatic increase in the rarely seen case of female public urination.
Rosa: Resist.

Quote from Scully in the episode Lights Out

Captain Holt: That's everything, but before we go home, but quick reminder that today is Sergeant Santiago's last day before maternity leave. [applause] We'll see you in three months.
Scully: She gets three months off? Can I take a maternity leave?
Jake: Are you giving birth to a baby?
Scully: I'm having a seven pound mass removed from my abdomen next week. [all groan]
Jake: Yeah, never ask Scully questions. That's on me, guys!

Quote from Charles in the episode Lights Out

Charles: So, have you guys decided on a name yet?
Amy: We're not telling people until he's born.
Charles: Not the baby's name... my name. What's he gonna call me? Uncle Chuck? Unky C? Ooh... Chee-Chee, so he says it early?
Amy: Maybe just Charles.
Charles: Wait, so my dad gets to be his "Pop-Pop," but I'm just "Charles?"
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his "Pop-Pop."
Charles: Well I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Jake: Uh, what was that?
Charles: Wow, all of Brooklyn lost power.
Jake: You know, I've always kind of liked blackouts. Listen to how quiet it is. It's so peaceful. [gunshots, wheels screeching] Nope, it immediately turned into a purge. Way to go, New York. All right, let's suit up!

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Charles: Maybe it's not so bad out there. I mean, none of our phone are ringing.
Rosa: That's because all the cell towers are down. Nobody has landlines anymore, so they can't call in.
Jake: Huh, really makes you think about society's reliance on modern technology, doesn't it?
Rosa: No.
Jake: Yeah, me neither. I just thought maybe that's how you see it.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode Lights Out

Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Amy: So, only Captain Holt or Terry can initiate actual blackout protocol, but I don't see them anywhere.
Jake: Guys? Where did our dads go?

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Lights Out

Sergeant Jeffords: Hello? Anyone? We're stuck in the elevator!
Captain Holt: Can't you yell any louder? Use those big strong lungs you're always flexing.
Sergeant Jeffords: These are my pecs.
Captain Holt: So this is all just for show then. It has no functional purpose.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I am pretty strong.
Captain Holt: Good, then rip those doors open.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't do that.
Captain Holt: Oh, well at least you haven't dedicated a significant portion of your life to looking like this.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Lights Out

Sergeant Jeffords: What is with you?
Captain Holt: I'm sorry. This is a nightmare of mine. I have a phobia of elevators. It stems from a traumatic experience I had as a child.
[flashback:]
Young Holt: They only perform rated-load testing on city elevators every five years? Oh, my.
[present:]
Captain Holt: That was the last time I read the municipal code before bed. But... the damage was done.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Lights Out

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, look at this, sir. I think we'll be fine. It was inspected four months ago.
Captain Holt: By Walter Beverly, the clown prince of the Department of Buildings. You've made it so much worse. Help!

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Jake: Yeah, they're trapped in there.
Rosa: Oh no, that means we have to call the fire department. [gags]
Jake: Or, hear me out, we leave them in there forever, and move on emotionally.

Quote from Charles in the episode Lights Out

Amy: All right, as the highest ranking officer not trapped in a box, I'll take charge.
Charles: Uh, shouldn't you be taking it easy? Your shift's over. You're on maternity leave. As the baby's Chee-Chee...
Amy: Charles, I'm fine, and this is an emergency. Subways aren't running, and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street. So I'm gonna call Mounted Division to help with crowd control.
Charles: But that's Sergeant Peanut Butter's unit. No one wants to work with that condescending dick.
Amy: Okay, first of all, he's a horse, so he can't be condescending.
Charles: Ugh, oh-ho, he's got you people fooled.
Amy: Secondly... He's a lieutenant now.
Charles: What?! How?!

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Amy: Charles, get it together. I want you and Jake to go to the Gowanus power substation. That's where the transformer exploded. Work with ESU, get us a timetable for the power being restored, and hurry!
Jake: Wow, look at my pregnant wife taking charge. I don't know whether to be proud or turned on.
Amy: I said hurry!
Jake: Oh, my God, it's both.

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Jake: Hey, what happened?
Officer Rick: Someone lost control of their car, jumped the curb, went through the fence, and rammed into the transformer. Guy must have been drunk. There was an empty bottle of vodka on the floor of the car.
Jake: Okay, Charles, I see two possibilities. One, he was vaporized into a being of pure electricity, becoming a supervillain known only as "The Surge Freak."
Officer Rick: Seems unlikely.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Officer Rick, that's why I said there were two possibilities. He probably just hobbled off so he wouldn't get a DUI. Here, we'll follow this very obvious trail of blood. Happy now? Stupid Officer Rick and his stupid joyless approach to life. Come on.

Quote from Charles in the episode Lights Out

Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.

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