Latest Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes Page 1 of 462

Searching Search quotes

Quote from Amy in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: Happy Halloween. I see you all have your game faces on. Special shout-out to Amy who is clearly only wearing that pumpkin costume to conceal her heist equipment.
Amy: Nuh-uh. I was greeting kids at the Halloween party.
Rosa: Nobody believes you.

Quote from Amy in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: Anyhow, will there be a new champion crowned this year, or will I become the first ever three-time winner, building on my glorious victories in heists one and five?
Amy: You didn't win the fifth heist. I did when you proposed to me.
Captain Holt: I won that year. You ended up with a modified version of the cummerbund, and you only got that because you slept your way into it.
Amy: Sorry, sir, that no one here wants to bone you, you dusty, old skeleton.
Captain Holt: Whoa!

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: Okay, so this segs me nicely into my next point... decorum. This is supposed to be a fun day that brings us all closer together, but in the past few years, I've noticed it trending in the opposite direction.
Captain Holt: Is this about the surveillance system I set up in your apartment?
[flashback to Holt watching Jake and Amy in bed on a monitor:]
Captain Holt: Sleep, sleep, you ugly morons.
[present:]
Jake: No, but it is now.

Quote from Rosa in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: All right, look, the point is, this year when we team up, there will be no betrayals because at the end of the day, we're all friends, and we love each other, and also you'll be handcuffed to your partner. If you undo them, you lose. Now, in each of these envelopes is a name. The last four champs will pick their partners, and, since I'm already up here, I'll just go first so...
Rosa: Nope. You've obviously rigged this to get the best teammate, but I'm not falling for that crap this time. So I am going to partner with... Scully. You know what? We are friends, best friends. Sorry I took your envelope.
Jake: No, no, no! It's too late. Boyle, cuff 'em.
Scully: It's okay, Rosa. I'm focused this year, and I'm more determined to win than ever. I also really have to go to the bathroom.
Rosa: Why didn't you say that before he put the handcuffs on us?

Quote from Amy in the episode Valloweaster

Amy: Okay, I'll go next. I have... [chuckles] Geppetto?
Jake: Yeah.
Amy: Ugh, that must be Charles.
Charles: It is because I'm the puppeteer, and you're all my little puppets.
Amy: Ugh. Can we choke our partner to death with our handcuffs?
Jake: Sure, choke away.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm out. Terry is retiring from heisting. I don't have anything left to prove after my win last year.
Jake: But we need you. What if one of us has a plan that involves a big, strong brute?
Sergeant Jeffords: Not a great sales pitch, Jake. Terry is going out on top.

Quote from Charles in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: Ugh, fine. I guess that makes it my turn, so I will pick my partner. And it is... [laughs] Raymond Holt. Well, well, well, it appears the original two heist champs are teaming up. Should we just skip ahead so everyone can bow down to us now?
Captain Holt: Yes, you all heard him. Bow down. Boyle, you first.
Amy: He is not gonna bow do... ugh, he's already doing it.
Charles: Well, they're gonna win. I'm currying favor.

Quote from Jake in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: So what prize are we playing for, you ask?
Hitchcock: Wait, what about me? Nobody picked my envelope.
Jake: So what prize are we playing for, you ask?

Quote from Jake in the episode Valloweaster

Charles: Ooh, the infinity gauntlet from "The Avengers."
Jake: Yes, except not quite. The actual movie replica was extremely expensive, so I had to get something off Russian eBay. Say hello to the Infinitude Gobbler. It's identical to the one that Thaboo wore in the movie "Avangaboys."
Captain Holt: This glove...
Jake: Gobbler.
Captain Holt: Contains three plastic jewels...
Jake: The Infinitude Gems.
Captain Holt: Each representing one aspect of a heist winner. "Amazing," "human," "genius." Whoever possesses these stones at midnight will be named champion.

Quote from Jake in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: But what obstacles will I face, you may ask yourself. Well, the Infinitude Gems will be guarded by a ferocious and daunting sentry.
Bill: Hey, best friends.
Rosa: We're not your best friends, Bill.
Bill: [laughs] You don't get to decide that.
Jake: So Bill will hide the gems in his pockets.
Bill: You're really gonna have to root around in there. I dried my jeans, so they're extra tight.
Jake: You were right, Amy. I should have got a safe. Sorry, everyone. Let the heist begin!

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Valloweaster

Captain Holt: I can't believe the two strongest competitors got partnered up. We're a dream team like in the 1992 Summer Olympics.
Jake: Okay, I know you're not talking about basketball, so just tell me what weird sport you think the Dream Team was from.
Captain Holt: Sport? I'm talking about the opening ceremonies. Agnes Baltsa and Alfredo Kraus singing back-to-back arias.

Quote from Jake in the episode Valloweaster

Jake: I rigged the envelopes so that we could team up.
Captain Holt: But you chose Scully initially.
Jake: Only because I knew as soon as I tried to go first, Rosa would jump in, and then I made sure no one picked our envelopes by marking them with Cheeto thumbprints.
Captain Holt: Oh, so everyone would assume that they were Hitchcock and Scully's. Brilliant. These fools don't stand a chance against us.
Jake: Yeah, they really are fools, aren't they? Just like whoever Agnes and Alfredo beat at singing to get into the Olympics. I know nothing about opera.
Captain Holt: No, you're right. Amy's a real Teresa Berganza, huh?

Quote from Charles in the episode Valloweaster

Charles: Look at them laughing. Jake must have said something really funny. Should we forfeit and go hear what it was?

Quote from Amy in the episode Valloweaster

Amy: No, Charles, we're not forfeiting. I wanted Jake to rig the envelopes and partner up with Holt. I gave him the idea by making him watch "Lincoln."
[flashback:]
Amy: Oh, wow, a team of rivals.
Jake: Mm-hmm.
[back:]
Amy: And when that didn't work, we watched "X-Men: Days of Future Past."
[flashback:]
Jake: Magneto and Professor X working together? Amy, are you seeing this?
Amy: Yes, I see it. [whispers] I see it all.

Quote from Charles in the episode Valloweaster

Charles: Why would you do that? Jake and Holt are like the '92 dream team.
Amy: I know you're not talking about sports, so who do you think the '92 Dream Team was?
Charles: Aladdin and Abu.
Amy: Right.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 6,920

Submit Quotes