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Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Captain Holt: I called you here to discuss where we are with Operation 225641441636324.
Rosa: What?
Captain Holt: I assigned a numerical value to each letter in the word "pimento," which I then squared.
Jake: Oh, Captain. How dare you try and sneak math into this?

Quote from Jake in the episode Bureau

Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta. Update us on Santiago's undercover prison operation.
Jake: Yeah, she has made contact with Jimmy Figgis' sister, but it's slow going. I hope she comes back soon.
Sergeant Jeffords: Aww. You miss her?
Jake: No, I lost the key to her apartment, and I'm taking care of her fish. They're all dead already, aren't they?
Rosa: Yeah.
Jake: Damn it.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Captain Holt: Our priority is still finding Figgis' agent in the FBI. I think it's time for me to call in a favor from an old colleague at the bureau, Bob Anderson. I would've contacted him sooner, but this is a rogue op, and he's a real stickler for the rules.
He once picked up a penny off the street, which he then reported on his taxes.
Jake: Sounds like a barrel of laughs.
Captain Holt: Fortunately, he isn't.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Captain Holt: We're going to be here a while. Would you like to talk?
Bob Anderson: I'd rather not.
Captain Holt: Agreed.

Quote from Jake in the episode Bureau

Jake: Oh, man. A secret FBI meet up? I love this! Look at all those idiots. They have no idea what's about to go down.
Captain Holt: You mean that woman and her baby?
Jake: Yep. Idiots.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Captain Holt: Hello, Bob. Good to see you.
Bob Anderson: And you. Apologies. It's inappropriate for me to partake in such informal conversation in front of your detectives.
Captain Holt: It's all right. I am equally to blame.
Jake: Oh, my God. There's two of them!

Quote from Rosa in the episode Bureau

Bob Anderson: So, Raymond, what evidence do you have that there's a dirty agent in the FBI? Let's see the file.
Captain Holt: We don't have a file.
Bob Anderson: You're working file-less?
Rosa: We saw the guy commit a felony. He tried to have a cop killed. Crazy hot cop.
Jake: Well, he's a specific type.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Jake: Look, the guy we're looking for was wearing a ski mask, but he's about 5'10". Caucasian. He's got a big scar on his right hand. We've been calling him ScarJo, like the actress, Scarlett Johansson.
Captain Holt: What? An actress? I didn't know that was where that was from. Bob, I'm so sorry.
Bob Anderson: No, I'll look past it.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Bureau

Bob Anderson: Okay. There's an agent that matches that description. His name is Ryan Whelan. You think you could ID him if you saw him?
Jake: Oh, yeah. I'd recognize that scar from 20 miles away.
Bob Anderson: You must have fantastic vision.
Captain Holt: Or it's a gigantic scar.
Jake: I was clearly exaggerating. Why do you have to ruin everything?

Quote from Charles in the episode Bureau

Amy: Dr. Schwartz, I'm here for my appointment.
Charles: Hello, Cortez. Shabbat Shalom.
Amy: "Shabbat Shalom"?
Charles: I don't know. Jake made me Jewish.

Quote from Charles in the episode Bureau

Charles: So guess what. Genevieve just texted. We're gonna hear about our adoption any minute.
Amy: I thought you were doing fertility treatments.
Charles: We are, but it's not going well. The doctor said my sterility is so aggressive, - it may have spread to her.

Quote from Charles in the episode Bureau

Charles: Anyway, Ms. Cortez, your vagina looks great. Mazel.

Quote from Gina in the episode Bureau

Sergeant Jeffords: Did you see this morning's newspaper?
Gina: No. I get all my news from a text message chain with my friends. [gasps] The attorney general might step down! I'm kidding. It's a GIF of a rabbit eating spaghetti.

Quote from Gina in the episode Bureau

Sergeant Jeffords: There's an article about the Nine-Nine's monthly crime rate. Those numbers aren't supposed to be public until next week.
Gina: Terry, you're gonna have to be more interesting if you want to get an "oh, dang.
"
Sergeant Jeffords: There's a leak in the Nine-Nine!
Gina: Oh, dang.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Bureau

Sergeant Jeffords: I presented those numbers in a morning briefing, but I can't imagine anyone would be stupid enough to leak 'em.
Gina: Really, Terrence? Look how dumb they are. [Scully is eating a flattened slice of pizza, covered in ink] Ugh!
Scully: Printer's fixed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, dang.

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