Quote from The Vulture in the episode Suicide Squad
Jake: They have my hair? I thought you put your two worst guys on this.
The Vulture: These are my worst guys, all right? They're real dorks. They both wear glasses. And one of them's even a woman.
Jake: Ugh. You said you didn't trust them to get coffee.
The Vulture: Look, if you can't tell what "coffee" is code for by now, then you and I shouldn't be talking about this, Jake.
Amy: Oh, my God. He put his best detectives on the case.
The Vulture: Hey, my two best detectives are Sticky and Boner, and they definitely know how to order "coffee." Extra cream. Wink, wink.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
The Vulture: Hello, Peralta.
Jake: No, no, no!
The Vulture: I don't know why you're so upset, man. I'm the one who had to come to this backwater stink hole. [to Charles] What's up, little man?
Charles: What's up?
The Vulture: Feeling sexy? Huh?
Charles: Yeah, I feel sexy.
The Vulture: Yeah, you look sexy, man.
Charles: You know I do.
The Vulture: Watch out for that door. [to Sergeant Jeffords] Yo, how much you bench, seriously?
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Rosa: Hey, Pembroke. What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?
The Vulture: Oh, yeah? What case is that?
Rosa: The case of how you got so damn sexy.
The Vulture: God owed me a favor. Case solved.
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
The Vulture: It's because I got a bet going with the captain of the A4 to see whose squad can solve the most cases.
Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, and guess what I'm getting him.
Jake: Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?
The Vulture: No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you?
Quote from Scully
Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.
Quote from Captain Holt
Madeline Wuntch: Oh, Raymond, that you came to me to ask for help shows how much you've matured. You know what else shows how much you've matured? Your withered face.
Captain Holt: Now I know why you refer to this as a Suicide Squad, Peralta, because I already want to kill myself.
Madeline Wuntch: Why don't you wait a week? You'll probably die of old age.
Captain Holt: The only way I'm going to die is if you touch me with one of your bony fingers and drag me across the River Styx, you reaper.
Quote from Scully
Amy: Oh, wait. Before we decide Scully, what's your basement like?
Scully: Bunch of old Victorian wallpaper that came with the house. I tried to peel it off, but the wall underneath was covered with fingernail scratches.
Amy: Ooh.