Jake: Stop, we have an emergency! Everybody stop what you're about to do.
Amy: Yeah, but I gotta pee really bad.
Jake: Well, hold it, Amy. Holt's not answering his radio. I think he and Debbie might be in trouble.
Rosa: It's just us, man, you don't have to pretend to care about Debbie.
Sergeant Jeffords: Rosa!
Rosa: What? We barely know her and she's annoying. She's always trying to get people to be friends with her on that weird app for pedicures.

Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, you're in charge of the manhunt for the shooter.
Jake: Oh, my God, it's a manhunt. And I'm the Manhunter.
Charles: And I'm your sidekick, the Boyhunter.
Rosa: Come on, dude.

Amy: My period's late, I think I might be pregnant.
Rosa: Oh, damn.
Amy: I can't be pregnant! Jake and I agreed to wait at least a year until we tried. I haven't found an OB, I'm not on any preschool waiting lists, and I spent all of yesterday in a room with Hitchcock and his new cologne, which can't be good for the baby it is literally called Zika!

Jake: Boyle, gather everyone up.
Charles: Oh, we starting a burn book about Holt? Let's drag him, baby!
Jake: No, someone saw our hoodie guy.
Charles: Right, we'll do the burn book later.
Jake: Attention, everyone, we have a possible sighting of our shooter on Hoyt Street. Detective Boyle and I will take Alpha unit. Smith, Fox-
Charles: You guard the burn book.
Jake: Charles, no.
Charles: Stand down.