Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Lights Out
Sergeant Jeffords: Hello? Anyone? We're stuck in the elevator!
Captain Holt: Can't you yell any louder? Use those big strong lungs you're always flexing.
Sergeant Jeffords: These are my pecs.
Captain Holt: So this is all just for show then. It has no functional purpose.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I am pretty strong.
Captain Holt: Good, then rip those doors open.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't do that.
Captain Holt: Oh, well at least you haven't dedicated a significant portion of your life to looking like this.
Quote from the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.
Quote from Charles
Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.
Quote from Rosa
Rosa: [over radio] Peralta, you there?
Jake: Yeah, what's up?
Rosa: You gotta get back here right now. Amy's water broke.
Jake: What?
Charles: What?
Jake: When?
Charles: When?
Jake: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Charles: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Rosa: I can't believe you're making me say this, but she thinks she lost her mucus plug yesterday, but mistook it for normal discharge.
Jake: How thick was it? Was it clear or milky?
Charles: Was it bloody? Was it "the bloody show?"
Rosa: Jake, I think it's very cool that you've learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line. Just get back here, now!
Quote from Hitchcock
Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.