Quotes from ‘Lights Out’

Lights Out

Lights Out
Season 7, Episode 13 - Aired April 23, 2020

The squad investigates when a massive blackout hits Brooklyn.

Quote from Hitchcock

Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: [over radio] Peralta, you there?
Jake: Yeah, what's up?
Rosa: You gotta get back here right now. Amy's water broke.
Jake: What?
Charles: What?
Jake: When?
Charles: When?
Jake: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Charles: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Rosa: I can't believe you're making me say this, but she thinks she lost her mucus plug yesterday, but mistook it for normal discharge.
Jake: How thick was it? Was it clear or milky?
Charles: Was it bloody? Was it "the bloody show?"
Rosa: Jake, I think it's very cool that you've learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line. Just get back here, now!

Quote from Scully

Captain Holt: That's everything, but before we go home, but quick reminder that today is Sergeant Santiago's last day before maternity leave. [applause] We'll see you in three months.
Scully: She gets three months off? Can I take a maternity leave?
Jake: Are you giving birth to a baby?
Scully: I'm having a seven pound mass removed from my abdomen next week. [all groan]
Jake: Yeah, never ask Scully questions. That's on me, guys!

Quote from Jake

Amy: Captain, Lieutenant, the dance was great, and it really helped, thank you.
Jake: Dance? What dance?
Captain Holt: She doesn't know what she's talking about. Mommy brain much?
Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt and I did a hip-hop dance routine.
Jake: Oh. I see. You know what? I don't even care that I missed it, because right now, I am holding my son, and there's nothing more important in the world than that.
Rosa: I have a video, if you wanna see it.
Jake: Amy, hold this baby. Rosa, give me that phone. Give me that phone. Everyone wash your hands.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: How's he doing?
Amy: He's perfect. I see you changed.
Rosa: Oh yeah. That other outfit had a lot of afterbirth on it. Also during-birth and pre-birth. The point is I burned it.
Amy: Thanks for staying by my side. I know it wasn't easy for you.
Rosa: It was worth it. I'm Auntie Ro-Ro.
Charles: She gets to be Ro-Ro? Incredible. I've thrown seven years away for this.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Oh, my God, he's beautiful. Oh, Jake, he's got your face.
Amy: Charles, meet Mac.
Jake: Short for McClane.
Charles: As in Shirley? I love it.
Jake: No, as in John, from "Die Hard."
Charles: I mean, they're both incredibly cool. Only one Oscar winner.

Quote from Rosa

Fireman Curt: Okay, Amy. I know you're in a lot of pain, but we don't have any meds here. You just gotta try not to focus on it. Can you distract her?
Rosa: I got this. Hey, Amy, they come out with any new binders recently?
Amy: I don't want to talk about binders, Rosa.
Rosa: All right, that was my big gun. She's just gonna feel this.

Quote from Scully

Amy: [groans, gasps] You made me a birthing suite?
Scully: We've been napping at work for 20 years. We know how to create a relaxing space in a police station.
Hitchcock: Gurney.
Scully: Fire blankets.
Hitchcock: Night stick for back massage.
Scully: Soothing lighting.
Hitchcock: AKA Scully's fart candles.
Rosa: I'm sorry I said you were worthless in an emergency. You two really came through.
Scully: It's just nice to have a win after what we went through today. So many deviled eggs were lost, and for what?
Hitchcock: Hey, hey, you can't focus on that. There were hundreds of meatballs that were eaten because of you!
Scully: I could've eaten more. Just one more!
Amy: Guys?
Hitchcock: Not now, Amy.

Quote from Scully

Amy: Fine, look... I don't have to go to the hospital until my contractions are three minutes apart and last for at least 45 seconds.
Rosa: Yeah, but don't you need to go home and pack some stuff?
Amy: [scoffs] I'll be fine. Scully, you have a hospital go-bag at your desk, right?
Scully: Yep, what do you need? One-day, three-day, coma kit?
Amy: I rest my case.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, what happened?
Officer Rick: Someone lost control of their car, jumped the curb, went through the fence, and rammed into the transformer. Guy must have been drunk. There was an empty bottle of vodka on the floor of the car.
Jake: Okay, Charles, I see two possibilities. One, he was vaporized into a being of pure electricity, becoming a supervillain known only as "The Surge Freak."
Officer Rick: Seems unlikely.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Officer Rick, that's why I said there were two possibilities. He probably just hobbled off so he wouldn't get a DUI. Here, we'll follow this very obvious trail of blood. Happy now? Stupid Officer Rick and his stupid joyless approach to life. Come on.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: What is with you?
Captain Holt: I'm sorry. This is a nightmare of mine. I have a phobia of elevators. It stems from a traumatic experience I had as a child.
[flashback:]
Young Holt: They only perform rated-load testing on city elevators every five years? Oh, my.
[present:]
Captain Holt: That was the last time I read the municipal code before bed. But... the damage was done.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Hello? Anyone? We're stuck in the elevator!
Captain Holt: Can't you yell any louder? Use those big strong lungs you're always flexing.
Sergeant Jeffords: These are my pecs.
Captain Holt: So this is all just for show then. It has no functional purpose.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I am pretty strong.
Captain Holt: Good, then rip those doors open.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't do that.
Captain Holt: Oh, well at least you haven't dedicated a significant portion of your life to looking like this.

Quote from Charles

Amy: All right, as the highest ranking officer not trapped in a box, I'll take charge.
Charles: Uh, shouldn't you be taking it easy? Your shift's over. You're on maternity leave. As the baby's Chee-Chee...
Amy: Charles, I'm fine, and this is an emergency. Subways aren't running, and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street. So I'm gonna call Mounted Division to help with crowd control.
Charles: But that's Sergeant Peanut Butter's unit. No one wants to work with that condescending dick.
Amy: Okay, first of all, he's a horse, so he can't be condescending.
Charles: Ugh, oh-ho, he's got you people fooled.
Amy: Secondly... He's a lieutenant now.
Charles: What?! How?!

Quote from Charles

Charles: So, have you guys decided on a name yet?
Amy: We're not telling people until he's born.
Charles: Not the baby's name... my name. What's he gonna call me? Uncle Chuck? Unky C? Ooh... Chee-Chee, so he says it early?
Amy: Maybe just Charles.
Charles: Wait, so my dad gets to be his "Pop-Pop," but I'm just "Charles?"
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his "Pop-Pop."
Charles: Well I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

Quote from Jake

Amy: So, only Captain Holt or Terry can initiate actual blackout protocol, but I don't see them anywhere.
Jake: Guys? Where did our dads go?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: ♪ Spank that bottom spank that bo... ♪ [lights come on, elevator starts] We will never speak of this again.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm just at the start of my labor. I haven't even had my first contrac... [moaning] ...tion.
Rosa: Was that a contraction?
Amy: No. That was just a crazy yawn.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Yes I am! I'm here.
Amy: Oh, Jake.
Jake: I can't believe I made it. I'm gonna see the birth of my... [gasping] We're on page 53! Babe, we're on page 53.
Amy: [screams] I know!
Jake: I rode a horse.

Quote from Charles

Amy: Thanks for getting Jake there in time.
Charles: Oh, don't thank me. The real hero is Lieutenant Peanut Butter.
Jake: No, it was all you, Charles. Or should I say... Uncle Charles.
Charles: Chee-Chee.
Jake: Don't ruin this moment for yourself.
Charles: Uncle Charles it is.

Quote from other character

Jake: Well, we did it, Ames. We made the world's hottest baby.
Amy: Say cute, Jake.
Jake: Nope. This kid is liquid fire. Crazy to think that in just 17 short years he's gonna be 6'7" and the number one draft pick for the Knicks.
Amy: Aw, and that he's gonna pass up that opportunity to pursue his true passion... library sciences.
Jake: Well the important thing is, we'll support him no matter what.
Amy: Hmm.
Jake: Even if he's a huge, huge, nerd.
Amy: Especially then.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Charles, get it together. I want you and Jake to go to the Gowanus power substation. That's where the transformer exploded. Work with ESU, get us a timetable for the power being restored, and hurry!
Jake: Wow, look at my pregnant wife taking charge. I don't know whether to be proud or turned on.
Amy: I said hurry!
Jake: Oh, my God, it's both.

Quote from Jake

Jake: [on the phone] You're giving birth at the precinct? Is that safe?
Amy: It's gonna be okay. There's a bunch of firefighters here.
Jake: Right, and they're basically just glorified EMTs that live together and sleep in bunk beds.

Quote from Hitchcock

Scully: Hey, Amy, can we have a second?
Amy: Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of something, you [long bleep]!
Hitchcock: Oh yeah? Well [bleep] yourself!

Quote from Charles

Jake: Wait, wait, wait, stop! The power's back.
Kayla: Oh, yuck, none of you are cute with the lights fully on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Two can play at that game. Let's talk about your bangs.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Mosey forward, name in lights, butt pop. Comb your hair. Now typing motion, pull it back. Jump forward, pelvic pump.
Sergeant Jeffords: You got it! Now, all we need to do is run it all together and do it at full speed.
Captain Holt: I must say, Jeffords, this dancing is quite distracting. I've completely forgotten that we're trapped here in this death box inspected by Bozo Beverly between clown shows.
Sergeant Jeffords: You know what, sir? I don't think you are thrusting your butt enough before the name in lights.
Captain Holt: Yes, yes. I felt that. God, I love that note. [exhales] Back to the top. I'll count us in. Five, six, seven, eight.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Not necessarily. I was just checking to see if there was anything we could do to help. And I hate to say it, but I think there is.
Amy: Oh, you think he's gonna get me drugs from evidence?
Rosa: Uh, no. Something way weirder is happening.
Captain Holt: Hit it, Jeffords.
[Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" plays as Captain Holt and Sergeant Jeffords dance in the interrogation room]

Quote from Jake

Jake: [sighs] Are we gonna be okay at this? I mean, this entire day felt like a warning from the universe. I almost missed the birth, we had our baby at the precinct, a firefighter touched our child.
Amy: You washed him off?
Jake: Yeah, but I'll always know.
Amy: Babe, we talked about this. Everyone balances work and kids.
Jake: Yeah, but everyone's not a cop.
Amy: True, but... when our son wants to hear about the day he was born, we get to tell him that his dad helped a bunch of people and foiled a bank robbery.
Jake: Guess that was kind of cool. [laughs] And his mom managed a city-wide emergency while actually giving birth.
Amy: [sighs] I'm proud for our son to have you as a dad.
Jake: Me too. For you to be the mom. I wasn't just agreeing with the nice thing you said about me.
Amy: I love you.
Jake: Love you too.

Quote from Charles

Charles: This is it. My purpose is clear. I was put on this Earth to get you back in time to see your baby's birth.
Jake: I mean, you're a grown man with your own hopes and dreams.
Charles: My purpose is clear.
Jake: Okay.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: We need to go to a hospital right now. I don't want a burst happening around me. It's way too gross.
Amy: I'm nowhere near giving birth. I haven't even lost my mucus plug.
Rosa: Amy, you need to get the [bleep] out of here.
Amy: I'm sorry my baby grosses you out, Rosa.
Rosa: I'm excited to meet your baby when it's clean and wearing clothes, and not blasting out of you like some half-Cuban Jimmy Neutron.

Quote from Rosa

Fireman Curt: Hey Diaz, heard you guys needed help from some real heroes.
Rosa: Please. Firefighters are basically just EMTs who all live together and sleep in bunk beds.
Fireman Curt: Correction. It's a professional, multi-tiered, shared sleeping set-up.
Rosa: You're describing bunk beds. Just get the people out of the elevator.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Aw, this ice cream is melting.
Hitchcock: Who cares? We can drink melted ice cream. We can't eat spoiled ham. We have to prioritize!
Scully: What if we combine them? Wrap the ice cream in the ham like a taquito.
Hitchcock: This man. This man is my best friend.
Rosa: You two are the worst people to have around in an emergency. I literally can't imagine a scenario where you'd be helpful.
Scully: Murder at a Cinnabon. Who would you call?
Rosa: Someone who wouldn't be distracted by the frosting.
Scully: Yeah, I do love that frosting.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, look at this, sir. I think we'll be fine. It was inspected four months ago.
Captain Holt: By Walter Beverly, the clown prince of the Department of Buildings. You've made it so much worse. Help!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Yeah, they're trapped in there.
Rosa: Oh no, that means we have to call the fire department. [gags]
Jake: Or, hear me out, we leave them in there forever, and move on emotionally.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Okay, your contractions are three minutes apart. It's officially time to go to the hospital.
Amy: Not yet.
Rosa: Do you know how thin your cervix is right now? Yeah, I'm worried, so I started reading the book I found on Jake's desk.I do not want to be around when page 53 happens!

Quote from Amy

Amy: We should have all ambulances on call. I want an open line of communication with DOT, and I want someone from the DA down here so we don't get cases thrown out. I need a pair of sweatpants, and check again on that status update from ESU. All right, go go go!
Rosa: What do you need the sweatpants for?
Amy: My water just broke, which reminds me, we should be prepared to distribute emergency water and food.
Rosa: Your water just broke?!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Uh, what was that?
Charles: Wow, all of Brooklyn lost power.
Jake: You know, I've always kind of liked blackouts. Listen to how quiet it is. It's so peaceful. [gunshots, wheels screeching] Nope, it immediately turned into a purge. Way to go, New York. All right, let's suit up!

Quote from Jake

Charles: Maybe it's not so bad out there. I mean, none of our phone are ringing.
Rosa: That's because all the cell towers are down. Nobody has landlines anymore, so they can't call in.
Jake: Huh, really makes you think about society's reliance on modern technology, doesn't it?
Rosa: No.
Jake: Yeah, me neither. I just thought maybe that's how you see it.

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know, now that I'm up here, I realize I don't know how to ride a horse. It's probably pretty self-explanatory, right? Yah! Oh, no! Move! Everyone move, I don't know how to ride a horse!

Quote from Charles

Jake: I'm gonna miss the birth of my son.
Charles: No, you're not. Look, I didn't want to have to do this, but there is someone I can call.
Jake: Who?
[later:]
Charles: Hello, Peanut Butter. I know we don't see eye-to-eye. But we gotta put that behind us because my friend here...
Jake: Charles, the horse was a great idea but we don't have time for you to have a heart-to-heart with it.
Charles: Sorry, I'm just very emotional, Jake. Take care of my friend, you four-legged bastard!

Quote from Jake

Jake: How am I going to get back to the precinct? This thing is way too slow.
Charles: Not if we all band together and pedal like hell.
Jake: It's not gonna happen, Charles. Dotty's asleep, Kayla's flirting with Luis, and Briana's peeing in a trash can. That's illegal, Briana.
Briana: Oh, you know you love it.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: And those of you patrolling 7th Avenue, please be aware of the new pedal pubs. They're bike-powered mobile bars that are very popular with bachelorette parties. But unfortunately they have led to a dramatic increase in the rarely seen case of female public urination.
Rosa: Resist.

Quote from Jake

Amy: [answers phone] Jake?
Jake: Hey, Ames, I'm so sorry we're not there yet, but a guy fell down the stairs, and then the old lady shot a perp and then we stopped a bank robbery...
Kayla: And I lost my shoe.
Jake: And Kayla lost her shoe, but we're almost to the hospital. Are you there yet? What room are you in?
Amy: The break room.
Jake: What? Why?
Amy: There isn't enough time. I have to have the baby here.
Jake: But me and my crazy crew made it to the hospital. That's our birth story!
Amy: Screw your birth story, just get here!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Status update: I called in every officer I could. I green-lit double shifts and overtime. We're coordinating with the 9-6 on traffic control. We haven't processed anyone, so there's a backlog of perps on the third floor, and I have to go to the hospital because my water broke.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're having a baby? Amy, this is so wond...
Amy: [screams]
Sergeant Jeffords: We can just catch up after the baby comes.
Amy: [exhales]

Quote from Charles

Jake: What happened?
Russ: She shot me! She shot me in the leg.
Dotty: You made a sudden motion.
Russ: I sneezed!
Jake: Okay, Dotty, what do you have a gun for?
Dotty: To protect myself. Cops are all wimps now. [mockingly] My wife is having a baby and I have to be there to brush her hair.
Jake: I wasn't gonna brush her hair.
Charles: You weren't?

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: They're happening every five minutes and they're lasting 20 seconds. Your baby's coming.
Amy: It's still not active labor. Don't worry! I'm not gonna have the baby here and get placenta all over your desk or whatever it is that you're afraid of.
Rosa: Wait, is placenta something that can get all over?
Amy: Actually, technically...
Rosa: You know what, don't answer that, I don't wanna know.

Quote from Amy

Rosa: So, listen, I've been timing your contractions.
Amy: What? How? I've been hiding them so well.
Rosa: No, you have not.
[flashback:]
Amy: There's too much radio chatter. Let's try to keep non-emergency communications down to a... [groaning, snaps clipboard] .. minimum.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Okay, okay, you take the perp back to the precinct. I'll stay here with her.
Jake: Are you sure?
Charles: Just remember to tell your son what Chee-Chee did here tonight.
Jake: How you feeling about Chee-Chee having said it out loud a few times?
Charles: I am loving it!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, calm down, I have an idea. When my parents would fight and my dad got scary, I would take my little brother upstairs and to distract him, I'd teach him dance moves.
Captain Holt: What kind of dance moves?
Sergeant Jeffords: Mostly '80s hip-hop. He loved Salt-N-Pepa.
Captain Holt: No, I won't be doing that. [elevator rumbles] Salt and pepper, you say?

Quote from Captain Holt

Fireman Curt: Don't worry, fire department's on the job.
Captain Holt: Hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here. We're marked for death!

Quote from Jake

Charles: Guys, this is taking way too long. When she gets back, we have to pedal faster.
Russ: Sorry, I have a gunshot wound in my leg.
Dotty: It didn't even hit bone, you sissy.
Briana: Oh, if you're in pain, here have some of this. It's bubblegum flavored gin.
Russ: I can't. I'm two years sober.
Jake: What? No you're not. You got drunk and crashed into the power plant.
Russ: Yeah, that was a relapse. I fell off the wagon.
Jake: Okay, so you're clearly lying, which means... you planted the bottle of vodka.
Charles: Which means the crash wasn't an accident.
Jake: And you caused the blackout on purpose, why?
Russ: I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank too much and that was... [screams] She's fingering my wound!
Dotty: Tell us what you're up to.
Russ: The banks! We're hitting all the banks on Union.
Charles: Dotty, stop. Please let go.
Jake: Dotty, that's against the law.
Dotty: I am the law.
Jake: What made you like this?

Quote from Jake

Jake: Thanks for letting us hijack your bachelorette party.
Kayla: Oh, it's what we do. We're, like, so random.
Briana: Yeah, in Red Bank, where we're from, everyone's like, "Uh-oh, here comes trouble."
Kayla: Wait, we have to stop.
Jake: No, no, no... no stopping. Why are we stopping?
Kayla: I lost both my shoes back there. I gotta go find them. [yelps] Update. I still have one shoe on, but I think I broke my ankle. But I'm gonna still try to find the other one.

Quote from Jake

Woman: [o.s.] Help, help!
Charles: Jake, we don't have time. We'll call it in. Let someone else handle it.
Jake: No, we can't ignore a cry for help. We can handcuff him to the railing Dotty, call out if you need anything.
Dotty: I'd feel safer if you just shot him.
Jake: Dotty, no. We're not gonna shoot him!

Quote from Jake

Charles: We should walk. It's only 27 blocks, it's gotta be faster than this.
[cut to Dotty tottering with a walker along the sidewalk:]
Charles: I mean, it's a little bit faster.
Jake: Is it? Hey, Dotty, just weighing our options here. Have you ever been worn like a backpack?

Quote from Jake

Jake: Ugh, we haven't moved. Why is there so much traffic? Stupid Uber, New York used to be a paradise of open road.
Charles: Try the siren again. [siren blares]
Dotty: In my day, people respected police.
Jake: They respect us; they just have nowhere to go.
Dotty: God knows they won't go back to their own country.
Jake: Dotty, I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.

Quote from Jake

Dotty: Excuse me, my apartment is on the seventh floor, and the elevator isn't working. I'm getting cold.
Jake: Well, we're headed back to our precinct. There's emergency power if you want to wait there for the lights to come back on.
Charles: I'll get in back.
Dotty: I'm Dorothy, but my friends call me Dotty. Although these days there are fewer and fewer of them.
Jake: Charles? Uh, this is great, Dotty, but we're kind of in a hurry. My wife just went into labor and I want to get there in time for the birth.
Dotty: Why? The only man in the room should be the doctor.
Jake: Okay.
Dotty: All the dad needs to do is to make the money and have a nice, thick belt for when it's time to teach him a lesson.
Russ: My dad hit me with a belt. Soon as I got big enough, I shot him.
Jake: Wow, what a fun group for this, the most important day of my life.

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