Amy: All right, as the highest ranking officer not trapped in a box, I'll take charge.
Charles: Uh, shouldn't you be taking it easy? Your shift's over. You're on maternity leave. As the baby's Chee-Chee...
Amy: Charles, I'm fine, and this is an emergency. Subways aren't running, and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street. So I'm gonna call Mounted Division to help with crowd control.
Charles: But that's Sergeant Peanut Butter's unit. No one wants to work with that condescending dick.
Amy: Okay, first of all, he's a horse, so he can't be condescending.
Charles: Ugh, oh-ho, he's got you people fooled.
Amy: Secondly... He's a lieutenant now.
Charles: What?! How?!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Charles: Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking?
Rosa: What?
Charles: That's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.
Rosa: You just said you called it going streaking.
Charles: It had a couple names.

Charles: Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.

Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.

Rosa: [over radio] Peralta, you there?
Jake: Yeah, what's up?
Rosa: You gotta get back here right now. Amy's water broke.
Jake: What?
Charles: What?
Jake: When?
Charles: When?
Jake: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Charles: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Rosa: I can't believe you're making me say this, but she thinks she lost her mucus plug yesterday, but mistook it for normal discharge.
Jake: How thick was it? Was it clear or milky?
Charles: Was it bloody? Was it "the bloody show?"
Rosa: Jake, I think it's very cool that you've learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line. Just get back here, now!