Quote from Amy in the episode Lights Out
Amy: I'm just at the start of my labor. I haven't even had my first contrac... [moaning] ...tion.
Rosa: Was that a contraction?
Amy: No. That was just a crazy yawn.
Quote from the episode Christmas
Amy: Sir, I'm sure you had your reasons for going to Peralta, but this is exactly the type of job I would love to have.
Captain Holt: Okay, the next time someone threatens to kill me, I'll come straight to you.
Amy: Thank you, sir. I can't wait. I didn't mean- Let's catch this bastard.
Quote from the episode 99
Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!
Jake: I love her.
Quote from the episode Lockdown
Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.
Quote from Charles
Charles: I can't see anything.
Jake: Me neither. We'll just have to rely on our other senses.
Charles: I call smell.
Jake: Okay, really jumped on that one. I wasn't gonna fight you for smell. I figured we'd just listen for sounds.
Charles: Pfft, good luck with that. [sniffs] Hmm. [sniffs] Yeah. [sniffs] Mm-hmm.
Jake: Okay.
Charles: How's it going over there? You hearing anything?
Jake: Yeah, I'm hearing you and your creepy sniffs.
Charles: Really? Well I'm smelling a lot of jealousy coming from your direction.
Jake: Sound to the left.
Charles: Smell to the left. [crashing sound]
Jake: NYPD, hands up.
Charles: [sniffs] Oh, yeah. We got him!
Jake: Charles.
Quote from Rosa
Rosa: [over radio] Peralta, you there?
Jake: Yeah, what's up?
Rosa: You gotta get back here right now. Amy's water broke.
Jake: What?
Charles: What?
Jake: When?
Charles: When?
Jake: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Charles: Did she lose her mucus plug?
Rosa: I can't believe you're making me say this, but she thinks she lost her mucus plug yesterday, but mistook it for normal discharge.
Jake: How thick was it? Was it clear or milky?
Charles: Was it bloody? Was it "the bloody show?"
Rosa: Jake, I think it's very cool that you've learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line. Just get back here, now!
Quote from Hitchcock
Scully: Guys, stop wasting time. Headlamps on!
Hitchcock: We have to engage in blackout protocol.
Jake: I'm surprised, those guys are really springing into action. Nope, they're just eating all the food in the fridge before it goes bad.
Hitchcock: There's a dozen sandwiches here, I don't know what kind.
Scully: I'll figure it out later. Just start chewing.
Jake: Yeah, they suck.