Stevie: Hey, Ozerov, I'll have a martini with a twist. The twist? You're under arrest.
Jake: None for me; I'm driving you to jail.
Charles: He's clean. There's no drugs on him.
Jake: Damn it. We wasted those cool lines on nothing. Also, we blew the case. That's obviously much worse. That was my first thought.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Charles: Massage! I'll give you a massage.
Gina: Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach.

Gina: Captain, why are you doing this? You hate people in your space.
Captain Holt: Nonsense. I'm an easygoing chap.
Gina: Okay. I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.
Captain Holt: It was off by half a centimeter. It never should've been in circulation.

Gina: "Orange Jake", going once, going twice.
Rosa: I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side-pony.
Gina: Rosa coming in hot! Rosa coming in hot!