Captain Holt: Well, it certainly wasn't Boyle and me. We were out here the whole time.
Charles: Plus, we already ate. Autumn salads with farm-fresh squash. That's right, I'm catering for our team.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Charles: This is so frustrating. There's no way of knowing who has the plaque.
Captain Holt: Amy and Rosa have it.
Charles: What? How do you know?
Captain Holt: Diaz usually favors her left leg, but after "zero dark pizza," she was suddenly favoring her right.
Charles: Yes, yes, which means that she was...
Captain Holt: You trailed off and didn't finish speaking. Continue.
Charles: I don't want to.

Amy: Attention, squad.
Gina: Mm, pretty dainty way to make an announcement.
Amy: It's a workplace. I wanted to be respectful.
Scully: Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.

Hitchcock: Attention, everyone.
Rosa: Enough. We know. The heist is happening.
Hitchcock: No, my ex-wife just died. No more alimony, baby!