Jake: What's the score now? Are you guys still ahead? Let me just check. Oh, drone! Little help? (DRONE BUZZING) Yeah, I can't read that score. What does it say? Anyway, I'm sure you're tracking whatever the score is. All right, thank you, drone. That'll be all. Whoop! Didn't see the tree there. Big Bertha has a drone. That's what's important.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Amy: Hey. I don't get it. Why did you decide to let me win?
Jake: I don't know. When we were back there racing through the Miranda Rights, I just looked over at you and thought, "You're awesome. And you're good at doing things." I mean, sure, I'll miss towel, but your happiness is worth way more than winning some stupid bet.
Amy: Are you sure about this?
Jake: Oh, yeah. Your apartment is better than mine in every way imaginable. You want to know what my first thought was when we dropped into the sewer? "Smells like home."
Sergeant Jeffords: He's lying, Amy. His first thought was about the Ninja Turtles.
Amy: Come on, Terry. We were in a sewer. He's gon'sta think about the Turtles.
Jake: Yeah, I'm gon'sta, Terry. Quit being such a Malfoy.
Amy: Yeah, Terry.

Amy: Anyway, gentlemen, we are off to catch some more convicts. Two more, and we win.
Charles: Huh, just two? (SCOFFS) No sweat. Literally.
Jake: Get out of here. Take those glass cutters with you.
Charles: Oh, these lil' ol' things? [Charles licks his finger and lightly touches his rear-end while making a sizzling sound] Tsst.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Why'd you put your finger in the middle?

Marshawn Lynch: I ain't seen anything. I was eating my quesadilla. It was a good one. Chicken, cheese, guac. But they forgot my pico de gallo.
[5 minutes later:] I remember when I was a little boy, my mama used to make this, uh, she used to call it "fo' cheese." What y'all call it? Y'all call it "four"?
[12 minutes later] How come they never make quesadillas with sausage? You throw some tomato sauce in there and call it a pizza-dilla - What you think?
Rosa: What is going on?
[21 minutes later:]
Marshawn Lynch: This one time, I tried to wait up all night to catch Santa Claus, right? You know how they tell you you got to put the cookies and the milk out?
[36 minutes later:] I don't really be telling nobody this, but I like to sleep with the fan on, even when it's chilly outside. All about that white noise, baby.
Rosa: Stop. Stop talking, Marshawn Lynch. Did you see anything after the van crashed? Yes or no?
Marshawn Lynch: Nope. Like I told you, I was just eating my quesadilla. Have I talked to y'all about my pizza-dilla invention?