Captain Holt: Now, what do we do about the rats?
Charles: Well, lucky for us, I have recently come into a lot of wolf urine.
Rosa: That's lucky for us how?
Charles: It creates a scent impression that there are predators nearby. I've been dousing Nikolaj's shoes with it to scare off bullies at his preschool.
Rosa: Did it work?
Charles: No, now they call him pee boy. He's much worse off. But wolf urine definitely scares off rats. We can use it to herd them toward the traps.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Captain Holt: Sergeant, please tell me this malfunctioning copier isn't gonna sink our precinct.
Sergeant Jeffords: I figured out how to turn it on, but the screen just shows a cartoon turtle sobbing.
Captain Holt: Perhaps it's a paper jam.
Sergeant Jeffords: And what about when the little sushi roll comes out and cuts the turtle's head off?
Captain Holt: Toner issue.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why?!

Sergeant Jeffords: There's something I'd like to show you, Captain.
(Japanese copier starts up)
Captain Holt: "Terry crushed it." It works! I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I've solved a lot of cases for you.
Captain Holt: And yet crime has continued.

Jake: Why'd you have to say he was boring?
Amy: Because he is boring. His favorite app on his phone is "contacts."