Rosa: Okay, so you know that meth case I've been working on for the last two months? The Department of Sanitation police want to poach it from me, because the drugs were found in a dumpster. They're saying it's garbage-related.
Sergeant Jeffords: This is an easy one. Tell them to screw off. See? Problem solved. [barks]
Rosa: Yeah, well, I did that, and they threatened to make a formal complaint to the mayor.
Sergeant Jeffords: Then just let them have the case. Problem solved. [barks]
Rosa: Terry, I've been working on it for two months, and those dummies are gonna blow it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Right. Well, you could partner up with sanitation. Problem solved? Woof-woof?
Rosa: Nope. Headquarters won't allow it due to budgetary reasons.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Rosa: You know, Captain Holt was writing an instruction manual for his replacement in case he was named commissioner. Maybe he could tell you what to do.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not necessary. Top Dog Terry can make a decision.
Rosa: And what would that be? Does Top Dog Terry want a moment to think about it?
Sergeant Jeffords: Woof-woof.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Captain Holt: I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.
This one says, "What's up, beaches?" Instead of "bitches" for humor reasons.
Amy: But you hate humor.
Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me.

Amy: What? You're quitting?
Captain Holt: Yes, I am.
Amy: No, you're not. We're keeping you right here.
Captain Holt: How are you going to do that? Physically restrain me?
Amy: Great idea. Is there anything in Charles's box of nightmares that could be used to tie up Holt?
Jake: Yes. Literally everything in here could be used to tie up a person.

Scully: Hey, Gina. Did you see "Real Housewives" last night? If she says no, then ask about "Below Deck."
Gina: What are you doing?
Scully: She's getting suspicious, Scully. Act natural.
Gina: Are you wearing an earpiece?
Scully: Tell her no. Scully, stop saying what I'm saying. Be normal.