Quote from Amy in the episode A Tale of Two Bandits
Rosa: Amy, where you at?
Amy: Four drinks.
Rosa: What's four-drink Amy again?
Amy: Why don't you come over here and find out?
Rosa: Right, Horny Amy. It feels like you should retire that one for the MeToo era.
Amy: Why don't you come over here and make me?
Quote from the episode Christmas
Amy: Sir, I'm sure you had your reasons for going to Peralta, but this is exactly the type of job I would love to have.
Captain Holt: Okay, the next time someone threatens to kill me, I'll come straight to you.
Amy: Thank you, sir. I can't wait. I didn't mean- Let's catch this bastard.
Quote from the episode 99
Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!
Jake: I love her.
Quote from the episode Lockdown
Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.
Quote from Jake
Jake: [singing] Doug Judy I wish you were alive, Doug Judy God will give you a high five [high-pitched] Doug Judy-
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no, he gave himself a key change.
Jake: [singing] Yeah, yeah, yeah, Doug Judy You're a friend, friend, friend Doug Judy! [screeching] This song is at its end Thank you so much. [screeching]
[talking] You've been a great audience. I mean, it's a funeral. That's psychotic. I'm so sorry.
Quote from Hitchcock
Rob Dulubnik: Okay, defectives. My guys can handle that.
Amy: Oh, can they? 'Cause the Nine-Nine's about to bring the real heat.
Hitchcock: Get ready for the back draft, bitch.
Quote from Rosa
Charles: We don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning, so if you throw up, you're disqualified.
Rosa: I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.