Jake: All right, if the heat is causing the smell, why don't we just turn on the air conditioning-
Franco McCoy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! That kind of air flow is gonna kick up all kinds of dust particles. That AC stays off, which means the odor in here? Only gonna get worse. Pro tip: plug your noses. Had this little bad boy custom-made 3-D printed to fit these sweet nosters.
Jake: Are you trying to abbreviate "nostrils"?
Franco McCoy: In CSI, we don't try. [nasally] We do, son.
Jake: Okay. Well, it's been sort of okay meeting you. We're gonna turn our backs and ignore you now.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: So, we gonna talk about what happened back there? I haven't seen someone cry that much since Charles heard they were remaking "First Wives Club."

Jake: Whoo! I love the first walkthrough of a crime scene. It's kind of like arriving at summer camp, except the lake is full of blood and your bunk mate is dead. I think I might be bad at metaphors.

Captain Holt: I'm here because Major Crimes wants this case. I was hoping to tell them you have some leads. I overheard you mention a Bill Bo-Baggins. Should we bring him in?
Jake: Well, as much as I would love to meet him, he is not a suspect.