Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 9436

Quote from Jake in the episode The Crime Scene

Jake: All right, if the heat is causing the smell, why don't we just turn on the air conditioning-
Franco McCoy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! That kind of air flow is gonna kick up all kinds of dust particles. That AC stays off, which means the odor in here? Only gonna get worse. Pro tip: plug your noses. Had this little bad boy custom-made 3-D printed to fit these sweet nosters.
Jake: Are you trying to abbreviate "nostrils"?
Franco McCoy: In CSI, we don't try. [nasally] We do, son.
Jake: Okay. Well, it's been sort of okay meeting you. We're gonna turn our backs and ignore you now.

Jake Quotes

Quote from the episode AC/DC

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Quote from the episode Halloween

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

'The Crime Scene' Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm here because Major Crimes wants this case. I was hoping to tell them you have some leads. I overheard you mention a Bill Bo-Baggins. Should we bring him in?
Jake: Well, as much as I would love to meet him, he is not a suspect.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Whoo! I love the first walkthrough of a crime scene. It's kind of like arriving at summer camp, except the lake is full of blood and your bunk mate is dead. I think I might be bad at metaphors.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, we gonna talk about what happened back there? I haven't seen someone cry that much since Charles heard they were remaking "First Wives Club."

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