Rosa: Dude, you never make a promise, because if we don't solve this, you've given her false hope, and that is way worse.
Jake: Normally, I would totally agree with you, but we're going to solve this case. We have so much evidence. We hit triple digies!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: So, we gonna talk about what happened back there? I haven't seen someone cry that much since Charles heard they were remaking "First Wives Club."

Jake: Whoo! I love the first walkthrough of a crime scene. It's kind of like arriving at summer camp, except the lake is full of blood and your bunk mate is dead. I think I might be bad at metaphors.

Captain Holt: I'm here because Major Crimes wants this case. I was hoping to tell them you have some leads. I overheard you mention a Bill Bo-Baggins. Should we bring him in?
Jake: Well, as much as I would love to meet him, he is not a suspect.