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Quotes from ‘The Wednesday Incident’

The Wednesday Incident

'The Wednesday Incident' - Season 2, Episode 16

When Jake notices that Holt has been acting moody, he teams up with Holt's husband to figure out what happened. Meanwhile, at the precinct, Charles tries to get a confession out of a geriatric suspect who pretends to be senile and adorable whenever Amy and Rosa are around.

Air Date: February 15, 2015.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Coat! Coat! Jacket! Coat! Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?

4.8

Quote from Gina

Gina: Jake, why don't you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I'm mourning the death of a close friend.

4.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Yeah, I might buy my shoes at a kids store and yeah, I might be scared of geese, but I am a damn good cop and I will not be made a fool of. So I am gonna go into that room and I'm gonna get that lousy, old geezer to admit on camera that he robbed those banks.

4.3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I thought he was faking it. I wanted to splash the lies out of him.

4.3

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Peralta, I'm not going to discuss my home life with you. We're not friends. We're not family. You're not my husband.
Jake: That's hurtful. I thought we had a special bond. I was your secret santa last year.
Captain Holt: And I already thanked you for the "Who Farted?" baseball cap.
Jake: But you never wear it.

4.2

Quote from Jake

Jake: Damn it, it's morphing into British.
Gina: Do your catchphrase.
Jake: Peralta, that's enough.

4.2

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Bad mood? I'm sorry, have I not being bursting into song enough for you lately? Would you like me to click my heels together or skip like a school child?
Jake: Yes, to all of that.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, fine. But I'm calling in my chit.
Gina: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Jake: No, ch-it.

4

Kevin: Hmm, yes. I dread those enunciated denunciations.

4

Kevin: Well, I remember that morning. He left the house at seven and was in a great mood. In fact, he was still chuckling about the previous night's Charlie Rose.

4

Quote from Rosa

Terry: The Captain's at a new level of anger, constant smiling.
Amy: It's horrible.
Rosa: All smiling is horrible. This is worse.

4

Quote from Charles

Boyle: He's messing with me because I'm not intimidating like Terry or dignified like Jake. Or model-handsome like Jake. Or funny like Jake.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You wanna know why I was so angry all week? When those men came at me, I acted like I was a twenty-year-old. I took a stupid risk and I got myself stabbed. I was in pain and frustrated about lying to the man I love.
Jake: Kevin
Captain Holt: Yes, obviously Kevin.
Jake: Obviously.

4

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: You were right all along. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at myself, and I took it out on the squad. Peralta you're a genius.
Jake: Oh my God, you said it.
Captain Holt: I heard you practising in the men's room.
Jake: Yeah, that makes more sense.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Quick announcement. Overtime is reinstated, and you are each allowed two personal photographs, two trinkets and three assorted knick-knacks. You know what, just follow Sergeant Jefford's lead. He always knows how to keep this place running smoothly.

4

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Dude, just admit you ruined everything and turned our lives into a living hell. No biggie.

3.7

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Squad, since Peralta's briefing was cut short, you can all use this time to clean up your desks. Look at this place. Half-eaten food, crumpled tissues, pictures of your families.
Terry: What's wrong with pictures?
Captain Holt: If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Terry: Boyle, you got your bank robber?
Charles: Went home last night, no overtime, just me and some brie, and I cracked it.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: You sure you have the right guy? Wasn't the robber strong and fast?
Rosa: And able to eat solid foods.
Boyle: Nobody saw him eat!

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, Holt won't tell me if someone happened at home because I'm not his husband. But you know who is his husband?
Gina: His husband?
Jake: His husband. I was just a little slow.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Jake: Remember when I got you this job. You said "OMG, Jake. I owe you one."
Gina: I said OMG? That was before other people started saying it. I was an originator.

3.5

Kevin: And Peralta, I hope this will do. It's a can of Orange Soda from when some other children visited.

3.5

Jake: It's perfect. Thanks for inviting us in.
Kevin: I invited Gina in. You were with her.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: What is wrong with our Internet? I like to back up my data every fifteen minutes and it's taking seventeen minutes per backup. I'm in a data backup deficit.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: We're here so I can activate the Holy Network of Administrative Assistants, acronym HNAA. We high-level assistants keep track of what's going on with all the bosses. Jealous, Amy?

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Rosa: You beat him in a dance-off?
Terry: No, I destroyed him.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: I'm just holding a road flare, stepping on some oatmeal, just doing me.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wait, so you heroically thought off three guys and that put you in a bad mood? If I did that, I would literally write a song about myself. It would be like "Jake the hero. Abs of steel. She-la-la-la."

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I wasn't injured. I was lightly stabbed.
Kevin: I'm sorry. You were stabbed?
Captain Holt: Lightly stabbed. I didn't want to frighten you.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: All right, detective, what's this all about? You have seventy seconds.
Jake: Why seventy?
Captain Holt: Do you really want to waste your time while I explain my algorithm?

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh my God, he is so old.
Charles: He's not that old. His nurse isn't even full time.
Amy: He couldn't pull of a bank job. He couldn't pull of the cap on his medicine.

3.3

Quote from Amy

Amy: Yeah, I'd tap that. Network. I'd tap that network. That's a thing people say.

3.3

Quote from Gina

Jake: No, look, I was the first one in on Wednesday.
Gina: This story is already full of holes.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Remember last Wednesday when I came in here with a bottle of sparkling cider?
Captain Holt: Setting off my sprinklers. Drenching my office. Destroying a paper crane folded for me by Kevin.

3

Quote from Gina

Kevin: Gina, I know you like champagne with a drop of pomegranate juice.
Gina: I like to say it's nature's classiest alcohol mixed with its nastiest fruit.

3

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