Quote from Charles in the episode Stakeout
Charles: Okay, no butter-syrup, no talking about Die Hard.
Jake: Okay, I can do that.
Charles: Or Die Hard 2 or Die Hard 3.
Jake: What? Come on. So you just want me to talk about the fourth one?
Charles: There's a fourth one?
Jake: Charles!
Charles: No judging me for not knowing the Die Hard.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.
Quote from the episode The Big House Pt.1
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!
Quote from the episode Into the Woods
Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.
Quote from Sergeant Jeffords
Sergeant Jeffords: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a kid's book, Santiago!
Quote from Hitchcock
Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?
Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?
Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Wuntchtime is over. Boom! Did it. Had it both ways. No regrets.