Hitchcock: I bet you're all wondering how I pulled it off.
Rosa: Not really, but I guess that's the tradition.
Hitchcock: The key to the whole plan was that I never really retired or moved to Brazil. I've been living in the Beaver Trap this whole time.
Jake: Okay, but what was the rest of the plan?
Scully: Oh, we had not come up with it. But then Bill came by and offered to sell me the tube for 40 bucks and I won.
Scully: Pretty good stuff.
Hitchcock: Now, crown me.
Jake: Ugh, this stinks. Okay, Michael Hitchcock, you are an amazing human/genius and the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine. Why is your head so sweaty?
Hitchcock: Oh, because that's actually butt skin from a botched hair transplant so there are more pores.
Jake: I can't believe this is how it ends, with Hitchcock's sweaty butt head.
Scully: I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Jake: Hey, bud.
Charles: How'd you know where I was?
Jake: Because this is where you had to be because this is where it happened.
[flashback: nine years ago:]
Charles: Hey.
Jake: Hey. Sorry to drag you in on the weekend.
Charles: Oh, it's fine, I don't mind spending a few hours with my best friend. I shouldn't have said that. It was too soon.
Jake: No. Charles, you're my best friend too.
Dr. Oliver Cox: Hey, guys. I found another leg!
Jake: Oh, how gross!
[present:]
Jake: I forgot that we wore those fashion scarves for like a month that year.
Charles: I still think they worked.
Jake: No.

Captain Holt: But if I don't have the winning tube, who does?
Rosa: [shutters open] I do.
Gina: Yet another surprise reveal again.

Jake: [sighs] Well, I guess this is it. So long, Nine-Nine. [turns off lights]
Janitor: Hey!
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing? You can't turn off the lights at a working police precinct!
Jake: Right, sorry. Got caught up in my own thing. There we go.

Rosa: So, my plan was simple. The best way to win is to sit back, watch everyone else, and then choose your moment. But to do that, I needed people to think I was gone.
Gina: It's a trick she learned from me. [lisping] During the fourth heist, universally considered the best heist.
Rosa: You were so eager to think I'd drop everything and chase after Adrian.
Amy: So you don't want to end up with Pimento?
Rosa: No, but you believed it because you all think for someone to be happy, their story has to end with marriage and kids.
Amy: I mean, I believed it because you told me and I trust you.
Rosa: Whatever, breeder.

Jake: Hello? Hello? Is there anyone here? Mlepnos?
Mlepnos: No.
Jake: What? Yeah. You played violin at my wedding. You're Mlepnos!
Mlepnos: No, my name is Jerry. Jerry Barfralatistan.
Jake: What? It doesn't matter. I need your help. Can you please hand me the keys that are down there?
Mlepnos: Yeah, yeah, yes. Thank you, I love keys.
Jake: Oh...
Mlepnos: And this is for you. [soft chirping]
Jake: What?
Mlepnos: As they say in my country, a chicky for a key.
Jake: Right. And what country is that again?
Mlepnos: Honolulu.
Jake: Okay. You know, if it's all the same, I'd really just rather have the key.
Mlepnos: You no want chicky? I don't want key.
Jake: Oh, perfect. Yes! Thank you, Mlepnos.
Mlepnos: No, it's Jerry... Barkakanatsan.
Jake: I feel like maybe you said it a little different the first time.

Rosa: My point is, when Adrian and I broke up, something felt off. I think it's 'cause I wasn't out yet so I couldn't really be myself with anyone. But I don't know, I always thought we would end up together. And now he's going away and... ugh, this is stupid.
Amy: It's not stupid. You gotta tell him how you feel.
Rosa: He's already at the airport and he doesn't own a phone. I'll never make it in time.
Gina: Yes, you will! Another surprise reveal.
Amy: I mean, we knew you were around.
Rosa: I watched you enter.
Gina: Nope, you were both shocked. Come on, I'll give you a ride to the airport.
Rosa: I mean, that's nice but traffic.
Gina: Oh, sweet Rosa. There's no such thing as traffic when you're driving in an armored truck.
Rosa: Okay, let's do this.
Gina: I already have my keys. Ooh, yet another surprise reveal.

Amy: You're cutting me out? This is about you wanting fireworks, isn't it?
Jake: Oh, Amy, it's about so much more than that.
[later:]
Jake: It's one million percent just about the fireworks.
Charles: Those look very dangerous.
Jake: No, it'll be fine. We're not gonna be anywhere near when it goes off. You control the whole thing from your phone.
Charles: How do you know when it's armed?
Jake: The red light starts blinking.
Charles: Like that one?
Jake: Uh-oh, uh, uh... you know what? This is okay, this is okay. I can just turn it off using the app. "Set up your profile first?" Why? How many times am I gonna use a fireworks app?
Charles: It started counting down!
Jake: Name, email. "Select the squares with stop signs in them?"
Charles: Okay, Jake, we gotta go!
Jake: Is a stop light a stop sign? Charles, is a stop light a stop sign?
Charles: I don't know, they both require full stops! Jake, come on!
Jake: All right, I'm in. No, "username already taken?" Who would want to use "Jake?" [countdown beeping] Oh, no.

Amy: Oh, my God. You're awake. I can't believe it, you're actually awake.
Jake: Hey. Wait a minute. What's going on? I gotta get back to the heist.
Amy: No, the heist? Jake, you've been in a coma for seven years.
Jake: What?

Captain Holt: Are you sure he came back to the precinct? The tracker must be broken. There's no one here.
Hitchcock: Wrong, Captain! I'm here. Michael Hitchcock, the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine.
Charles: Hitchcock?
Jake: Well, this doesn't feel right.

Jake: What do you mean I've been in a coma?
Dr. Midj: A firework hit you in the head. It caused a destabilizing brain injury.
Jake: Oh, my God. Is Charles okay?
Amy: Yes. He survived the explosion, but he blamed himself for what happened to you so he left New York. He's actually the sheriff of a small town in Arizona. The town is so small he also has to be the school principal.
Jake: Okay, that's weird.
Amy: It's actually very funny. And surprisingly heartwarming.

Amy: That worked so well. On to phase two. Thanks for doing that, Teddy. I'm really glad that we could be friends again.
Teddy: Of course. I'll always be here for you. Which is why I have a question to ask.
Amy: Oh, no.
Teddy: Amy Santiago, will you marry...
Amy: No! I am married to Jake.
Teddy: And I'm married to Elizabeth. It's perfect. Plus, you just betrayed him. You guys are obviously having issues.
Amy: No, I only betrayed him to pull off my secret plan. I am throwing him the perfect goodbye and it has to be a surprise.
Teddy: Fine. But if you think I'm just gonna sit around and wait for you change your mind... you're right. I will be parked outside for two more hours.

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Now that that's been sorted, are there any questions?
Jake: Yes! I have a question! Captain Jeffords, are you ready for the Halloween Heist?
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta? Last year was the final heist. We all agreed it was over.
Jake: Ah, Terry, you jolly simpleton. That was obviously a ruse. I mean, did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last heist? I mean, that would be crazy! Hitchcock? It would've been unforgiveable.
Hitchcock: That's true, it felt wrong.
Captain Holt: I know someone who's in. The old janitor, which is actually me! Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holt.
Amy: And he's not the only one. I'm in too.
Rosa: Me too.
Gina: As am I. Gina Linetti.
Jake: That's right, Terry, this is happening every year. We're in each other's lives forever, whether you like it or not. So, what do you say, Captain? Are we doing this?
Sergeant Jeffords: What I say is... Nine-Nine!
All: Nine-Nine!

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Shaheen and Dunn, you're on the Prospect Park tagger. Gates, Nahar, remember to check in with Forensics. Boyle, Larkin, I want you working the J Street Axe murder.
Detective Larkin: Ooh, we're the butcher bimbos.
Charles: No.
Detective Larkin: The butcher babes.
Charles: Nope.
Detective Larkin: Detective Boyle and his little butcher buddy.
Charles: Oh, I like that.

Jake: There you are, my cheating my wife! Give me the tube.
Amy: I don't have it. The baby's empty. You lied to me!
Jake: I'm not the liar, you're the liar. I put a tracker in the tube so I know you've hidden it somewhere in this... nope, you were telling the truth, it's on the move. Someone else has it.