Jake: NYPD, freeze! Taking down the bad guys without breaking up our convo. That how we do it in the Nine-Nine.
Amy: You're going the wrong direction.
Jake: Damn it. All these hallways look the same. That was such a cool walk-off.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: Okay, look, Captain Kim lied to us. There's something in this house that proves she's conspiring with Madeline Wuntch, and we're gonna find it.
Amy: I am not letting you snoop around in her stuff and ruin this party.
Jake: Oh, okay. Well, good luck trying to stop us.
Amy: Oh, Jake. You don't know who you're dealing with, do you? I was a student chaperone at every dance from middle school on. I've stopped more horny teenagers from making out to Savage Garden than you can count.
Jake: Cool story, but we're not horny teens. We're horny adults. And tonight we're going all the way. Come on, Holt, let's shake this narc.
Amy: That's right, I am a NARC, a Nationally Accredited and Registered Chaperone.

Jake: I say we use those meetings to figure out why she's really here. She may seem perfect, but I guarantee there's a "but." And I'm gonna find that "but" and drill down on it.
Charles: Come on, man. You have to know how that sounds.
Jake: Shut up, cool Charles. I hate this new dynamic.

Captain Holt: It's like there's something great at this party for everyone, even me. She's serving my favorite dessert: carrots.