Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 11456

Quote from Jake in the episode PB & J

Jake: Charles, give me your phone. All right, all right. [line ringing]
Captain Holt: [answers phone] Peralta, what's going on?
Jake: Sir, I need your help. Doug Judy tricked me and now his crew knows our location and they're on their way to help him escape.
Doug Judy: Hey, Captain Holt.
Jake: Doug says hi.
Captain Holt: How many times have I warned you not to trust that man?
Jake: A lot of times. But honestly, you tell me not to do things so often, I kinda just tune it out.

 Jake Quotes

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Quote from the episode The Apartment

Captain Holt: Do you see me as a father figure, Peralta?
Jake: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, show your father some respect.
Jake: I didn't call him dad.
Captain Holt: No, no. Jacob, I take it as a compliment.
Charles: It's not a big deal. I called Vivian mom once and she's my fiancée.
Jake: Guys, jump on that. Boyle has psycho-sexual issues.
Amy: Old news. But you calling Holt daddy.
Jake: Hey, daddy is not on the table here.
Suspect: Well, you did call him dad, dude.
Jake: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.
Suspect: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the daddy thing that happened.
Jake: Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.
Captain Holt: I believed you-
Jake: Thank you.
Captain Holt: -son. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?
Jake: I'd like that.

Quote from the episode AC/DC

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

 ‘PB & J’ Quotes

Quote from Jake

Doug Judy: [hip-hop beat] ♪ Uh ♪
Jake: ♪ Uh ♪
Doug Judy: ♪ Uh ♪
Jake: ♪ Uh ♪
Doug Judy: ♪ Uh ♪ A lot of room for uh's. I like that.
Jake: I thought you would.
Doug Judy: ♪ Doug and Jake rolling down the street ♪
Jake: ♪ PB and J, a tasty little treat ♪
Doug Judy: ♪ Two cool dudes making sandals for your feet ♪
Jake: What?
Doug Judy: I was going for the rhyme, but now I kind of feel like it's a good idea.
Jake: Love it. ♪ Making sandals that last is our ideology ♪ ♪ Made real by our patented, strapless technology ♪ It's magnets.
Doug Judy: [laughing] Okay! ♪ Yo, you can wear 'em on the beach ♪
Jake: ♪ Wear 'em on a hike ♪
Doug Judy: ♪ Wear 'em on a Peloton exercise bike ♪
Both: ♪ Doug and Jake, two best friends ♪ ♪ With the premium, open-toed shoes for men! ♪
Doug Judy: ♪ Rah! ♪
Jake: [laughs] That was crazy. We never even rehearsed and just did it perfectly. It was like Jackson Maine and Ally.
Doug Judy: I call Ally.
Jake: Aw, I wanted Ally.

Quote from Jake

Jake: [groans] Parenting is exhausting.
Amy: You're tired because you were up until 5:00 in the morning playing a game on your phone.
Jake: It's not a game. It's a realistic pizza parlor simulator. [chuckling] It's very different. There's no winning.
Amy: Then why do you play?
Jake: To earn pizza points to get better toppings.

Quote from Charles

Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: What are you doing? Why are you alone with a criminal who's escaped you multiple times?
Jake: Seems like a loaded question.
Charles: Oh, that's not even half my load.

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