Amy: [on the phone] Hey. I just got home. Where are you?
Jake: Sorry, I'm checking out the lot where the bus parks at night.
Amy: Ugh, but Holt told you not to. He's gonna be pissed when he finds out.
Jake: Not when I bust the bomber. Marzipan gave me the lot's address. He's actually helping me out because of our intimate shorthand.
Amy: You know, Marzipan's kind of a bad dude. We're desperately trying to fire him.
Jake: No, I did not know that! Why didn't anyone tell me that before I pretended to be friends with him?

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Charles: Really never seen Speed, sir? Keanu Reeves, Sandy Bullock, Jeff Daniels at the height of his sexual powers?

Charles: Uh-oh, I know that strut. Little hip swing, playful butt bounce... Somebody made a collar!
Jake: Not loving you talking about my butt bounce, but, also, hell, yeah, someone collared a big dog!
Charles: Woof, woof!

Rosa: So you lost a Speed That sucks. At least you didn't have a Sister Act taken from you.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Bracco confessed. The undercover operation is over.
Rosa: But I just got a spot in the choir.
[present:]
Jake: Wait, is that the real reason you left the force?
Rosa: It didn't help.