Jake: All right, look, I know that I brought in the wrong guy, but I'm telling you, something doesn't add up, and for what it's worth, I made sure he was let out as soon as I knew what was going on.
Captain Holt: He was in processing for ten hours, which made him late for work, which meant he got fired. He's suing you and the department for wrongful arrest. I'm gonna have to suspend you.
Jake: [sighs] Ugh, okay, this is really bad, and I'm sor...
Frank O'Sullivan: Stop talking. What's going on here? Were you about to say the S word?
Jake: The S word? "Sorry"?
Frank O'Sullivan: Oh, good God, don't say it out loud, man!
Captain Holt: Why are you here, O'Sullivan? Peralta isn't even in the patrolman's union.
Frank O'Sullivan: I'm here to protect Marzipan. He and Peralta worked very closely together on this one.
Captain Holt: Seriously, Peralta, Marzipan? With all the open I.A. investigations against him?
Jake: I've met him, like, one time. I don't even know his first name.
Frank O'Sullivan: His name is David. David Duke Marzipan.
Jake: David Duke Marzipan?!
Frank O'Sullivan: Hey, don't you go profiling him for what he changed his name to. You can't judge a book by its cover.
Jake: You can if it's written by David Duke.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Really never seen Speed, sir? Keanu Reeves, Sandy Bullock, Jeff Daniels at the height of his sexual powers?

Charles: Uh-oh, I know that strut. Little hip swing, playful butt bounce... Somebody made a collar!
Jake: Not loving you talking about my butt bounce, but, also, hell, yeah, someone collared a big dog!
Charles: Woof, woof!

Rosa: So you lost a Speed That sucks. At least you didn't have a Sister Act taken from you.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Bracco confessed. The undercover operation is over.
Rosa: But I just got a spot in the choir.
[present:]
Jake: Wait, is that the real reason you left the force?
Rosa: It didn't help.