Quote from Jake in the episode Stakeout
Captain Holt: We told you eight days was too long for a stakeout.
Jake: With all due respect, sir, it wasn't the amount of time. It's who I was stuck there with.
I could easily have done it with Scully.
Captain Holt: Really? You would've applied that cream to his back?
Jake: No, I would've put it on the floor and let him roll around in it.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from the episode AC/DC
Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
Quote from Sergeant Jeffords
Sergeant Jeffords: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a kid's book, Santiago!
Quote from Hitchcock
Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?
Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?
Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Wuntchtime is over. Boom! Did it. Had it both ways. No regrets.