Jake: Thought I might find you here. So not a big fan of my speech, huh?
Amy: No, I loved it. I mean, I wish it hadn't been at a wake.
And I wish you hadn't kept referring to me as your dead boss.
Jake: Yeah, it pretty much sucked butt, but still was somehow the best of the three toasts.
Amy: Hmm.
Jake: Look, I don't want to break up. But I don't want to get demoted either. I just don't know what to do. I'm all out of plans.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Charles: Hey, G-Spot!
Gina: Rosa, Charles. Ugh, I missed you guys so much.
Rosa: Really? Because when you left, you made a pretty big deal about deleting us from your phone.
Gina: Girl, that was just the showman in me.
PR is so boring. I need some Nine-Nine drama, stat.
Rosa: I don't think we're that dramatic.
Gina: I've been gone one week. Jake and Amy are dating and they've killed a person.

Amy: Listen, guys. Jake and I were talking last night-
Charles: Pillow talk alert. Set the scene, spooning or face to face?
Jake: Charles.
Charles: Spooning.

Sergeant Jeffords: Move over, Peralta! Move over! Okay. And if I may do a third toast, it'll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt.
*Audience groans*
Don't boo me! I lost something important too, shoot!