Jake: What's going on? Aha! What are you doing?
Captain Holt: Nothing just enjoying a taste of my favorite beverage, the soda pop.
Jake: Really? I have never seen you enjoy soda pop before.
Captain Holt: Hmm.
Jake: Have some now.
Captain Holt: Ahh, it's delicious.
Jake: I don't buy it. You're making the same face you made when you found a chocolate chip in your trail mix.
Something's up. I'm patting you down.
Damn it, nothing but a surprisingly toned set of abs.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Amy: He left a tiny crack in the blind, so I could read the Captain's lips.
"Sharon and your kids will distract Jake."
They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
Captain Holt: What?
Amy: My lip-reading is not flawless.

Gina: If I die, turn my tweets into a book!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we wanted Jake to take the crown?
Captain Holt: Sergeant, are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term, Hossz Gorcs?
Sergeant Jeffords: You must realize my answer is no.