Quote from Jake in the episode 9 Days
Amy: Jake, you need to drop this case.
Jake: What are you talking about? The plan is working perfectly. Holt hasn't been lonely all week.
Amy: Yeah, because he's too busy almost dying. Look at him.
Jake: What? He's just "Beautiful Mind"-ing it. Because he's a genius.
Amy: He's writing the word "case" over and over again. Oh, now he's spelling it with a K.
Jake: Is that not how you spell it? Again, I have a mouth, neck, and testicle-melting fever.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from the episode AC/DC
Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
Quote from Rosa
Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: So you lied to me? Out of pity. You pity me.
Jake: I wouldn't put it that way.
Captain Holt: I would. I am offended. I am angry. I am very tired. So I'm gonna take a nap, but when I wake up, oh, you are in for it.
Quote from Jake
Jake: Medical examiner, jackpot. The gym is full of bodies.
Captain Holt: No, Department of Health.
Jake: Oh.
Captain Holt: There's been an outbreak of the mumps.
Jake: Mumps, that's a funny word.
Captain Holt: It's actually a very serious and highly contagious infectious disease.
Jake: Yeah, but we're fine. We were only in contact with that guy for a couple of seconds. Plus, he didn't even lick any of our eyeballs.