Jake: You brought your own shuffleboard stick?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Doug Judy: They're called tangs. You should be glad she has her own. You don't want her messing with another man's tang.
Jake: There is no way they're called tangs.
Amy: It's true. They are. And the disks are called biscuits.
Jake: Tangs and biscuits? That is so dumb. I officially love shuffleboard.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Debbie: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big brother?
Captain Holt: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

Jake: Hey, can I ask you something?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: If the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?
Amy: No, not at all.
Jake: Psh, lame.

Amy: I got five down. I figured out the theme. It's boats.
Doug Judy: Okay, I get it. She's smart and lovable; you're scrappy and lovable; together you're just lovable and lovable.