Quote from Jake in the episode Bad Beat
Captain Holt: Now go get Valdano before you blow your covers. I'm off duty; what I do on my own time is my own business. Unlike you two who are still on the clock and are now being bad cops.
Jake: Wow, listen to you talking all smooth. But you can't fool us, sir. You might as well face it. You're addicted to math. Robert Palmer.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from the episode AC/DC
Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Quote from the episode Halloween
Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Yes, yes, come to papa. Raise it a grand! Call. Raise. A pair of candy canes. I'm all in, baby.
Jake: What are you doing, sir?
Captain Holt: Working the case. Sharpening my poker skills for Valdano.
Jake: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and why are you watching this children's beauty pageant?
Captain Holt: For fun, obviously. No, Jayla, don't drop the baton. No, I had so much riding on you!
Quote from Captain Holt
Jake: It was the "shouldn't've" that finally tipped me off. I've never heard you use a double contraction before.
Captain Holt: And you never will again.