Sergeant Jeffords: Fine. We'll do a drawing for it. But until then, no one touches it.
Hitchcock: Oops, too late. I left a ranch handprint on the windshield.

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

Gina: I did a little sleuthing on your rivals. You want me to spill the beans?
Captain Holt: Why would you ever intentionally spill beans? They're one of nature's most densely packed protein sources, and they remain unsullied by flavor.

Amy: Oh, maybe we should look at anagrams of the answers.
Vin Stermley: That's really good, "o nasty amiga!"
Jake: Oh, what?
Amy: He re-arranged the letters of "Amy Santiago". He anagrammed me! Vin, do Jake Peralta.
Jake: I doubt that's even possible.
Vin Stermley: Eat a jerk, pal.
Jake: What, no one's ever said that phrase.

Captain Holt: Let me begin with a hilarious joke. I'm surprised I was on the short list for commissioner. After all, I am six feet tall.