Jake: The point is, I'm basically a young Boomer Maxwell.
Victor Lake: Oh, you guys didn't hear? Boomer's not running the special unit anymore. He shattered both his legs jumping off the Chrysler Building onto a passing garbage truck during a chase.
Jake: Damn, that is so cool.
Victor Lake: They say he'll never walk again.
Jake: Oh. Well, that's very sad. But also still cool. He's gonna be an Ironside!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Gina: Wait, first, let's say a prayer. Dear Beyonce, Solange, Rihanna, someone cool that's white, Cardi B, please bless this flush. A-women.

Charles: Hello? You know what, I'm trying to keep this line open, so I don't have time for your bull crap. Good-bye, Mom.

Gina: The first thing we gotta do, shut off the water supply. Did I do that? That's an Urkel reference, from the show "Family Matters." Do you remember that?