Jake: Hey, girls! Who's the coolest person you've ever met in your entire lives?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: And who's the most handsome dude in all the land, even objectively more than Idris Elba?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: Man, kids are awesome. You can tell them literally anything, and they'll just say it.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Sergeant Jeffords: You know why I became a cop?
Captain Holt: Please share.
Sergeant Jeffords: Because when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a superhero.
[flashback to young Terry trying to stop a bully:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Stop it! Stop bothering little Terry!
Bully: Or what?
Sergeant Jeffords: Or I will defeat you!
[as the bullies back off, Terry looks behind him and sees a black male police officer] Whoa.
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: I wanted to help people like that cop helped me. But right now, I don't feel like a superhero. I feel the opposite. When I got stopped the other day, I wasn't a cop. I wasn't a guy who lived in a neighborhood looking for his daughter's toy. I was a black man, a dangerous black man. That's all he could see: a threat. And I couldn't stop thinking about my daughters. And their future. And how years from now, they could be walking down the street, looking for their kids' Moo Moo, and get stopped by a bad cop. And they probably won't get to play the police card to get out of trouble. I don't like that thought, and I'm gonna do something about it. So I don't care if it might hurt my career. I'm filing that report. Even if I have to go over your head to do it.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I can't get why you don't want me to file the complaint. I thought you of all people would support me.
Captain Holt: First of all, let me say, what that officer did to you was wrong, deeply wrong, and I'm furious about it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay. So why don't you back me up?
Captain Holt: Because that complaint could backfire. Cops who blow the whistle on other cops almost always face a backlash, just like people who socialize with Margo invariably hear about her trip to Scottsdale.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're real worked up about Margo.
Captain Holt: Sorry. She's horrible.

Rosa: What's wrong?
Sergeant Jeffords: I got stopped by a cop last night.
Rosa: Stopped for what?
Sergeant Jeffords: Stopped for walking.
Rosa: That makes zero sense unless- Oh, crap. I see what happened.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.
Jake: Sarge, that's terrible.
Amy: That's so messed up.
Scully: Oh, jeez. I have no idea what's going on.
Hitchcock: He got stopped for being black. Get woke, Scully.