Amy: No, practice exams are worthless. The testing conditions are way too pristine. There's nothing to distract you. I mean, look around. A child could pass the frickin' MCAT in here.
Jake: I knew you would say that, which is why I've asked these officers to do their paperwork in here while you take the test. He writes way too loudly.
She's always yawning. He has a gross cold. IBS, IBS. She has a weird arm-stretching thing. IBS, IBS, and Hitchcock and Scully with two hours worth of potato chips.
Amy: Oh, my God, it's gonna be crinkle-city.
Hitchcock: Jake said we get to eat with our mouths open.
Scully: [chuckles] What a day!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: I can't believe this is happening. I didn't think there was any way she could fail the practice test.
Rosa: Well, we still have three hours until the exam.
Jake: First we gotta figure out where she is. All right, think. If you were Amy, where would you be right now?
Gina: Oh, uh, boring pantsuit store. A crossword factory? A museum of retainers and headgear? Is it possible to enter the color beige?

Charles: No, that's the Boyle family sourdough starter. It's fed us for 140 years. The bread it births is succulent and firm. Tang for days.
Gina: I hate so many of the words you just used.

Jake: Amy's not in the break room.
Rosa: Or the evidence room.
Hitchcock: Or the ladies' bathroom. You know what? I'll check again.
Rosa: I've never seen him walk with such purpose. What a wretched man.