Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Hitchcock & Scully
Amy: What the hell is this?
Sergeant Jeffords: The downstairs people keep making a mess of the microwave. One of them thought it was cool to heat up soup in an uncovered dish. That's just crazy!
Quote from the episode The Tagger
Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!
Quote from the episode Beach House
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.
Quote from the episode The Slump
Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!
Quote from Jake
Hitchcock: Look, guys, we never had that money. Here. We'll prove it to you.
Scully: Those are our financial records.
Hitchcock: I don't have any retirement. I don't have any security, or a car. I rent most of my clothes.
Jake: We get it. You're poor.
Hitchcock: I'm not just poor, son. I'm destitute.
Jake: Definitely not a wink-able line.
Quote from Hitchcock
Jake: Wait a minute. Why do you pay for a monthly parking spot?
Charles: Because it's New York. It's hard to park.
Jake: Yeah, but he just said he doesn't have a car. So what's parked in this spot you don't want us to know about? Could it be a super-expensive sports car, paid for in cash?
[cut to a parking garage:]
Jake: Nope. It's just a sketchy old sex van.
Hitchcock: There is nothing sketchy about the Beaver Trap.
Jake: Yes, there is.
Quote from Hitchcock
Charles: All right, calm down. We're not accusing you of anything, right, Jake?
Jake: Kinda was.
Hitchcock: This is crazy! We're innocent!
Scully: IA is railroading us like Holt said, and you're joining in the witch hunt!
Hitchcock: You're fake news! Sad!
Jake: Yeah, that's definitely the language of the innocent.