Dr. Frederick Tate: Are you normally so cavalier around murder investigations?
Charles: Yes, we see a lot of darkness in our line of work, and humor is one of our coping mechanisms. It's self-preservation through disassociation.
Jake: What the [bleep]?
Charles: It's something I've been working on with my therapist.
Jake: Well, I act like this because I'm cool and fun and people like being around me.
Dr. Frederick Tate: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you.
Jake: Okay, Doc, you're not in your office. You don't have to use words like "triggered" or "in denial."
Dr. Frederick Tate: I didn't say "in denial." Are you in denial?
Jake: No, I am not, and before you say anything, I don't want to sleep with my mom either.
Dr. Frederick Tate: Now, why would you bring that up unprompted?
Jake: What? You prompted it.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Captain Holt: [on the phone] Kevin, they're not coming. Yes, I know you've already started soaking the rice. Couldn't we just eat it ourselves? I understand you purchased four portions of rice. Yes, that's a great idea. We'll eat the extra rice for breakfast. I love you, as well.

Jake: Okay, unlike Kooky Charles and Tearful Terry, I am healthy and don't need therapy.
Hitchcock: I hear that. I don't go to therapy either. Jake and I are like two penises in a pod.
Jake: Damn it, Hitchcock, we talked about this. It never helps when you back me up.

Jake: Behold, Brooklyn buddies, Boyle bullpen bottle bowling.
Charles: Beautiful.
Jake: Be brave, bro. Be brave. Bowl!
Rosa: Bam!
Charles: Bull's-eye!
Jake: Booyah!
Elderly Eastern European Woman: Babushka!
All: Babushka!