<< Episode 204

Episode 206 >>

Quotes from ‘The Mole’

The Mole

'The Mole' - Season 2, Episode 5

When an Internal Affairs investigator arrives at the precinct, Jake and Captain Holt work to uncover the mole in their department. Meanwhile, Terry and Rosa go undercover at a "silent disco" as part of their giggle pig drug task force.

Air Date: November 2, 2014.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch is circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

4.7

Quote from Captain Holt

Deputy Chief Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.
Captain Holt: Madeline. I wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing. What brings you here?
Deputy Chief Wuntch: I heard you were under investigation by Internal Affairs. Didn't wanna miss that.
Captain Holt: So much time with your ear to the pavement, it's a pity a truck hasn't run over your head.

4.6

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Please don't joke around in there. I know you're used to riffing with me, but Internal Affairs detectives rarely have my sense of humor.

4.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I was raised on disco. Little Terry loved to hustle.

4.3

Quote from Charles

Gina: Damn it, Charles. This is a crisis. Step one: termination. You and I will never touch again.
Charles: Damn! If I had know it was our last time, I would have moaned more.

4.3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You said there was no mole. You said you knew everything about these people.
Jake: Well, it turns out I don't. I've learned some truly horrible things tonight. You were right and I was wrong.
Captain Holt: Goodness. Boyle is sleeping with Gina?
Jake: What? How could you possibly know that?
Captain Holt: "You were right and I was wrong". You must have been shaken to your core to say that to me. Boyle is your most trusted friend, so he has to be involved. Your use of the word horrible leads me to believe that the matter was sexual in nature, given your obvious immaturity.
Jake: I've had sex.
Captain Holt: And, of course, you would be most upset if Boyle were to have slept with someone you knew from your childhood. Thus, the solve: Gina and Charles.

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, I had to talk my twins into getting their hair done. There are some promises involving lollipops that I do not intend to keep.

3.7

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Now let's go look for bad kids who went to sub-par pre-schools.

3.7

Quote from Jake

Jake: That was insane. I mean who else is hooking up that we don't know about? Rosa and Terry? Holt and Scully? You and Hitchcock?
Amy: You need to forget about Charles, okay. You need to get inside and put those files back. Wow, wow, wait. Why did I get Hitchcock?
Jake: Because you're the girl version of him.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Amy: Look, you don't have to be worried. I will never tell anyone about you and Charles. But honestly, it's not as embarrassing as you think. It was shocking, but then I got over it and it seemed normal. Except for seeing how hairless Charles's legs are. Does he shave them?
Gina: No, he wears really cheap pants, and as far as I can tell he's been chaffed smooth.
Amy: Yikes.
Gina: Imagine that wrapped around you.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I hope there's a lot of drug activity there. Of course, ideally there will be nobody taking drugs there or anywhere else in the district. But if drugs must be found, let it be there. Please God let it be there.

3.3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Woo. Extreme. Oh, you guys are probably curious about ths. It's no biggy. My car's in the shop so I rode in on Rosa's motorcycle.
I guess you could say I'm a gear head now.
Rosa: He held on to me so tight it was like a two-mile heimlich.
Jake: Those things have no walls on them!

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: It's Thursday so Gina's going to leave early to rehearse with her new dance group, Dancy Reagan, they're the First Ladies of Movement.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, I'm about to sit down with internal affairs. I figure that I will charm them with a couple of quips about my own internal affairs. Talking about my tum-tum.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: I promise I will be stone-cold serious in my interview.
I'll even use my serious face.
If you're wondering how I'm pulling this off, I'm thinking about the time when I was eight and Don Mattingly called me a little turd.
Captain Holt: Was he right?
Jake: Yes.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know how I'm kind of a sexy bad boy who rides motorcycles into work and is always breaking the rules in the name of justice?
Amy: I don't like where this is going.
Jake: Well, I also maybe sometimes bring home case files to work on them after hours, and I might not be that great about returning them.
Amy: Oh, God.
Jake: Are you aroused because of what a bad boy I am?
Amy: No!
Jake: No!

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Can you please give me a ride?
Amy: Fine. I'll get my stuff, but this better not bite me in the ass.
Jake: "Better not bite me in the ass" is the name of your sex tape. But seriously, thank you so much for your help.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: I would give you more details, but someone just came in to try and find her dalmatian coat.
Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond.

3

Quote from Gina

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

3

Quote from Jake

Amy: That's a seat warmer.
Jake: Oh, that's even better than rockets. My butt gets very cold.

3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Gina and I are casual lovers.
Jake: Urgh.
Amy: Yeuck.
Gina: Eww.

3

Quote from Gina

Gina: We hooked up once last summer and then the nightmare started again about a month ago.

3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Ever since then it's been orgasm city.
Jake: Urgh.
Amy: Yeuck.
Gina: Eww.

3

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Don't be mad, Jake. You still know me. I'm still Charles. I just have four extra sex moves.
Five. Forgot about "boy on top.

Jake: Urgh.

Amy: Yeuck.

Gina: Eww.

3

Quote from Scully

Scully: Yeah, I hear you. My dog has taken over my favorite chair. It's like, how did it all slip away?

3

Quote from Gina

Boyle: You take care of Amy.
Gina: But how to make it look like an accident?
Boyle: I'm not saying murder. Just talk to her like a normal person.
Gina: Right, even better. Get her to tell me all her little secrets, then if she tries anything we can destroy her.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Kev!
Kevin: Jake, it's after midnight. This had better be about a murder.
Jake: No. I wish.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: Why would I be the mole?
Captain Holt: You were just caught sneaking classified material into the precinct. You spent six months undercover in the mafia and have many criminal contacts. You've been known to flaunt departmental rules and regulations, and you are deeply in debt.
Jake: Well, if you hadn't tricked me into getting car insurance, I wouldn't be in debt.

3

Quote from Amy

Amy: Gina, is everything okay? You never text me. Look, the last message I got from you was August 3rd, 2009. You wrote, "Sup, Rosa?" Followed by "Never mind."

3

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Rosa: How'd you get involved in dealing giggle?
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, wait, wait, wait. We gotta back this up. After pre-school, did you go to private or public elementary?
Suspect: Private.
Sergeant Jeffords: When were you potty-trained?

3

<< Previous Episode

Next Episode >>