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Quotes from ‘Det. Dave Majors’

Det. Dave Majors

'Det. Dave Majors' - Season 2, Episode 21

When Jake and Amy are assigned to work a case with the best detective in the NYPD, Detective Dave Majors, they both try impress him. Jake is forced to confront his own feelings for Amy when Majors declares his intention to ask Amy out on a date when the case is over. Meanwhile, when Terry considers taking a job at a private security firm, Gina and Boyle try convince him to stay at the Nine-Nine.

Air Date: May 3, 2015.

Quote from Gina

Gina: If Rosa had a twin, she would have eaten her in the womb.

4.7

Quote from Gina

Boyle: Are you leaving us for Copperhead?
Gina: Because I am prepared to light Charles on fire in protest.

4.6

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: My own office. With walls!
Boyle: Did you tell him Terry doesn't love walls?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Terry loves walls.

4.3

Quote from Gina

Gina: We're throwing Terry a "Please Stay" party. My vision is a frozen yogurt machine operated by Pam Grier.

4.3

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, my God.
Jake: Rosa's wearing pink! Rosa's wearing pink!
Amy: Are we sure it's not just a white shirt that's been bloodied in a motorcycle crash?

4

Quote from Charles

Gina: Yeah, but what's his body like on a scale of Charles to Terry?
Boyle: Sorry, buddy.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? I'm the ten!
Boyle: Sure you are.

4

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Gary Shaw has attempted to pry me away from the NYPD for eight years. When he makes his offer, I know just what I'll say. Never's not just a crater on Mars.
Of course, it is a crater on Mars.
Boyle: That's hilarious.
Captain Holt: It's not meant to be funny, Boyle. It's meant to be devastating.

4

Quote from Amy

Amy: Jake, he's a highly decorated detective. He's not gonna be impressed by your sunglass choreography. He's gonna be too distracted by my notebook flip.

4

Quote from Jake

Jake: Every time I solve one, I go get a steak dinner. My cholesterol is -a- terrible.

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: What's that smell? That's lavender. Terry loves lavender.

4

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Why the long face? That Mexican candy giving you nerve damage again?
Jake: Probably, but who even cares.

4

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: If I worked at Copperhead, I'd be home by now. Swimming in a pool of gold coins like my boy, Scrooge McDuck.

4

Quote from Gina

Gina: Hey, Terry, got any new baby pics?
Sergeant Jeffords: You hate looking at pictures of my twins. You said since they were identical I didn't need to take photos of both.
Gina: That doesn't sound like Auntie Gina. I love your baby pics. And your stories of the twins' sleep schedules.

3.7

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Or maybe it wasn't her. Does she have a twin sister?

3.5

Quote from Jake

Boyle: If I wore a pink shirt, you'd tear me to shreds.
Jake: Well, yeah, but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: His arrest numbers are staggering. His conviction rate is magnificent. He is blotter dynamite. I mean, I'm cool, I'm just hanging out with you guys.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sir, please let the record show that the sauce on his face is from yesterday. And is that level of eagle-eyed observation that I plan to-
Captain Holt: Enough.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Mr. Shaw, let's just cut to the chase. Never's not just a crater on Mars.

Of course, it is a crater on Mars.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: What? Majors isn't here yet? I wasted all that coolness on nobodies.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: So, how was lunch?
Sergeant Jeffords: It was good. I had the T-Bone.
Boyle: I don't give a crap about the food. Just email me about that later. What happened with Gary?

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Terry, caribiners suck. You want free stuff? Here you go. You can have anything you want from Amy's desk.

3.5

Quote from Hitchcock

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, I have another kid on the way. Do you know how much diapers cost?
Hitchcock: Yes!

3.5

Quote from Gina

Sergeant Jeffords: It's not just about me.
Gina: Exactly. It's about me, and how you're abandoning me to these squares.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'm sure she's busy tonight anyway. Taxes are due in eight months.
Detective Dave Majors: Actually, they were due two weeks ago.
Jake: Well, that is a horrible surprise.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Rosa: I thought he was dating that weather girl.
Jake: No, he dumped her because she blamed Hurricane Sandy on gay marriage.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Oh, I see what's going on here. You're upset that Terry would even consider leaving the Nine-Nine. I'd expect this pettiness from a spineless amoeba like Charles, but not you, sir.
Boyle: Not spineless.
Gina: Come on, Charles.
Boyle: Yep.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, can I talk to you for a second, privately?
Amy: Uh, sure. Oh, wait, this isn't gonna be that thing where you pretend you got an important text from Holt and it's just that video of screaming sheep?
Jake: I promise you it's not, but I do stand by that prank.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Jake: Wow, those pictures are not helping.
Amy: Oh, my God. They're really gonna have to re-grout. Eugh, finding a contractor!
Jake: You are so consistent.

3.5

Quote from Charles

Boyle: A little homemade honey yogurt infused with lavender and love.
Sergeant Jeffords: Mmm. That is delicious. Hold it, this isn't some weird breast milk, is it, Boyle?
Boyle: I mean, technically it's from a sheep's breast.

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, I know what you two are doing. This is your weird way of making me stay at the Nine-Nine. Well, I am loving it. You know, the funny thing is Cagney naps better, but at night that's Lacey's time to shine. One time she went eight-to-eight!

3.5

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I told Sharon we'd have dinner tonight. I was gonna have a cup of coffee so I could stay up and ... kiss.

3.5

Quote from Gina

Gina: Oh no. Despite what I've been saying for years that ass might just quit.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Amy: Why doesn't your mouth work?
Jake: "Why doesn't your mouth work" - title of our sex tape.
Amy: What?
Jake: Your sex tape. What? No!

3.5

Quote from Gina

Captain Holt: Gina, where have you been? You left your cell phone in your desk and I assumed you were dead.
Gina: Uh, I would clearly be buried with my phone.

3.5

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Look at me. I can't keep a straight face. I played you like a fiddle.

3.5

Quote from Amy

Amy: I got a new rule. I don't date cops.
Jake: Cool. Cool. Yeah, actually, that's funny, I have the same rule. No more cops. From this point on, it's strictly dating criminals.
Amy: If you break up with them, you can always send them to jail.
Jake: Exactly. Nice and clean.

3.5

Quote from Jake

Jake: Juicy. Juicy. Good call. Good call. Tight. Tight. Tight.

3

Quote from Jake

Jake: And don't worry, I'm just getting warmed up. I still have eight sunglass moves locked and loaded. Make that nine.

3

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I suggest putting that caffeine towards something more productive than "kissing".

3

Quote from Gina

Gina: Look at you. You're like the wise, old owl from those lollipop commercials.

3

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