Adrian Pimento: Uh, I'm scared of heights, Jake.
Jake: Yeah, so am I, Adrian.
Adrian Pimento: This might not be the time to tell you, but both my parents died falling out of lighthouses, separate incidents.
Jake: Oh, man, I have so many questions, but for now, just follow my lead, okay?

Jake: Well, listen, we need your help.
Adrian Pimento: Great, who are we killing? I won't do kids. That's a rule. But that rule is negotiable if the kid's a dick.
Rosa: No, babe, we don't want you to kill anyone.
Adrian Pimento:What? Really?
Rosa: No.

Adrian Pimento: No, no, no, I don't mess with computers, okay? Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, no thank you. I'm done with this.

Adrian Pimento: Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire.
Jake: These are the ground rules? Is there anything off limits?
Adrian Pimento: Damn, man. You got something really sick you wanna do, huh? Oh, you little pervert. All right, I like it. Don't tell me. Surprise me. Ooh, this is gonna be fun.

Jake: So you still annoyed?
Amy: Yes. You can't keep saying "mischief managed" after we finish sex.
Jake: It's what Harry Potter says when he needs to clear the Marauder's Map.
Amy: Obviously, I know that, but I would prefer to keep wizard terms out of our sex life.

Sergeant Jeffords: Before we wrap up this briefing, I wanted to give a few shout-outs. Diaz, great job on that B&E. You are a good cop with a great attitude.
Rosa: I don't like this.
Sergeant Jeffords: Santiago, when I think of your CompStat reports, one word comes to mind: wow. And that "WOW" is an acronym for "Wow, oh, wow. "
Amy: What is happening?
Captain Holt: He's buttering us up before giving us some devastatingly bad news. My God, Jake and Charles are dead.

Brad Portenburg: Hello, squad. My name is Brad Portenburg, and today I'm gonna teach you about workplace conflict. So I brought along someone who's an expert in conflict: my ex-wife. Just kidding. She lives in Vermont with our kids. So can anyone tell me what a stereotype is?
Scully: The Irish are potato-eating drunks.
Hitchcock: And the gays-
Brad Portenburg: No, no, no, what does the word "stereotype" mean?