Captain Holt: Damn it, we're locked in. Who are you working with, you coward?
Sergeant Jeffords: I didn't do anything. I bet this was all Santiago's plan. She's making a play for the tube. She knew you hid it at Doggy Daycare.
Captain Holt: How do you know her plan?
Sergeant Jeffords: Since I wasn't part of the heist, people were sloppy around me with their secrets. I know everything. For instance, I know the real tube is inside that creepy, fake baby doll.
Captain Holt: Why didn't you tell me this earlier?
Sergeant Jeffords: I was trying to be respectful of the heisting process, but that was before I got screwed over.
Captain Holt: Well, your intel is of no use since we're locked in here. Unless you smash your gigantic body through the wall.
Sergeant Jeffords: I am not the Kool-Aid Man!
Captain Holt: Okay.
Sergeant Jeffords: I am more than my muscles and I can prove it. All the locks in this building have a magnetic release in case of a fire. If we can overload the circuit, they'll unlock. We just need to connect the positive terminal of one outlet... [grunts] To the negative of the other, using this circuit board and a low-resistance wire. Luckily, I came prepared.
Captain Holt: Do suspenders conduct electricity? Oh, the gold thread!
Sergeant Jeffords: Now, we are about to overload the circuit. [electricity zapping]
Captain Holt: Bing pot!

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Now that that's been sorted, are there any questions?
Jake: Yes! I have a question! Captain Jeffords, are you ready for the Halloween Heist?
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta? Last year was the final heist. We all agreed it was over.
Jake: Ah, Terry, you jolly simpleton. That was obviously a ruse. I mean, did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last heist? I mean, that would be crazy! Hitchcock? It would've been unforgiveable.
Hitchcock: That's true, it felt wrong.
Captain Holt: I know someone who's in. The old janitor, which is actually me! Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holt.
Amy: And he's not the only one. I'm in too.
Rosa: Me too.
Gina: As am I. Gina Linetti.
Jake: That's right, Terry, this is happening every year. We're in each other's lives forever, whether you like it or not. So, what do you say, Captain? Are we doing this?
Sergeant Jeffords: What I say is... Nine-Nine!
All: Nine-Nine!

Hitchcock: I bet you're all wondering how I pulled it off.
Rosa: Not really, but I guess that's the tradition.
Hitchcock: The key to the whole plan was that I never really retired or moved to Brazil. I've been living in the Beaver Trap this whole time.
Jake: Okay, but what was the rest of the plan?
Scully: Oh, we had not come up with it. But then Bill came by and offered to sell me the tube for 40 bucks and I won.
Scully: Pretty good stuff.
Hitchcock: Now, crown me.
Jake: Ugh, this stinks. Okay, Michael Hitchcock, you are an amazing human/genius and the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine. Why is your head so sweaty?
Hitchcock: Oh, because that's actually butt skin from a botched hair transplant so there are more pores.
Jake: I can't believe this is how it ends, with Hitchcock's sweaty butt head.
Scully: I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Jake: Charles, I just want to be there for Mac.
Charles: I get that, but this whole thing is just taking me by surprise. I don't know if I can come in to work and do this job without you.
Jake: Are you kidding me? I mean, maybe the you of nine years ago couldn't handle it, but you're not that person anymore. You used to live in your ex-wife's husband's basement and date 75-year-olds and now you've got your own house and Genevieve and Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Why don't you just call him Nick?
Charles: Nik.
Jake: All right, now you're ruining the moment.
Charles: Copy that.