Quote from Jake in the episode Karen Peralta
Jake: Man, I feel stupid. I was just trying to protect you, but I clearly made everything worse.
Karen Peralta: You have been protecting me since you were a kid. Sometimes I think you got so good at it, you decided to become a cop and protect everyone.
Jake: Oh, that's a cool thought, but I became a cop because of "Die Hard."
Quote from the episode The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from the episode AC/DC
Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Quote from the episode Halloween
Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!
Quote from Charles
Attorney: How do we know those were drugs? Please back that tape up.
Charles: No! Objection!
Judge: On what grounds?
Charles: That's my penis?
Judge: Overruled.
Quote from Gina
Captain Holt: This just might work out after all.
Gina: You're damn right it will, 'cause we're a ragtag, scrappity, fart-dumb, moron parade, smart-ass team!
Quote from Amy
Amy: Jake, Karen is a grown woman with a pretty respectable credit score. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.
Jake: Amy, I know that you have a binder, but you don't know her like I do. She's too trusting for her own good. She's fallen for more Nigerian scams than Scully.
Amy: She's fallen for 20 Nigerian scams?
Jake: 20? That's insane. No, she's fallen for 2. Scully's fallen for 20?
Amy: Yeah.