Quote from Jake in the episode Paranoia
Jake: Gentlemen, I just thought of a plan.
Sergeant Jeffords: Stage Pimento's death and go to the meet-up ourselves.
Hitchcock: Great plan, Sarge!
Jake: No, I was gonna say it first. I thought of it before you did. You know, whatever, let's just do Sarge's thing, I guess.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from the episode AC/DC
Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
Quote from Gina
Gina: Now before I tell you my idea, are you allergic to dolphins?
Quote from Sergeant Jeffords
Jake: That was 18 days ago. He's getting saner by the minute. In a month, he'll basically just be Frasier.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't use Frasier's name in vain.
Jake: Copy that.
Quote from Hitchcock
Jake: Okay, look, this was maybe a weird way to start the night, but the good news is, we can still make our dinner reservation and no one got hurt.
Hitchcock: Actually, I cut myself real bad.
Jake: Of course you did.