The Vulture: Look, I know I've become that gross, sappy guy, but dude, she's the first chick I ever wanted to hang out with post-bang.

The Vulture: Hello, Peralta.
Jake: No, no, no!
The Vulture: I don't know why you're so upset, man. I'm the one who had to come to this backwater stink hole. [to Charles] What's up, little man?
Charles: What's up?
The Vulture: Feeling sexy? Huh?
Charles: Yeah, I feel sexy.
The Vulture: Yeah, you look sexy, man.
Charles: You know I do.
The Vulture: Watch out for that door. [to Sergeant Jeffords] Yo, how much you bench, seriously?

Rosa: Hey, Pembroke. What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?
The Vulture: Oh, yeah? What case is that?
Rosa: The case of how you got so damn sexy.
The Vulture: God owed me a favor. Case solved.

The Vulture: It's because I got a bet going with the captain of the A4 to see whose squad can solve the most cases.
Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, and guess what I'm getting him.
Jake: Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?
The Vulture: No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you?

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, can I get $350 in petty cash? I need to throw an ice cream party for Teri-with-an-I, make sure there's no hard feelings.
Captain Holt: Why? She gets it was a misunderstanding. She's a Teri, and you're a Terrance who, even though he's not a child, still goes by a nickname ending in a Y.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, don't people call you Ray?
Captain Holt: How dare you.

Teri: Excuse me?
Sergeant Jeffords: I said, "Terry's got butt for days!"
Teri: Please stop talking about my body.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Teri: I'm Teri. You just said I had "butt for days."
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I see what just happened. Terry's gonna regret this.
Teri: Are you threatening me?
Sergeant Jeffords: No! No, no. This is a misunderstanding. My name is also Terry, and I was talking about my butt.
Teri: So you were complimenting your own body?
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I'm pretty proud of it. Do you know how old I am?
Teri: Okay. Apology accepted. Seems pretty arrogant, though.
Captain Holt: This might not be the right time, but talking about yourself in the third person has finally-
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry knows!

Captain Holt: What's going on here?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm throwing Teri-with-an-I's party with my own money. I didn't know her favorite kind of ice cream, so I printed a photo of her and showed it to all the ice cream places within 30 blocks. Nobody recognized her, so I got every flavor, 200 pints.
Scully: This is the greatest day of my life.
Captain Holt: Have you considered this Teri-with-an-I might not be an ice cream person?
Sergeant Jeffords: I did think that. That's why there's a taco bar coming.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus barbecue.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus a popcorn guy.
Scully: [laughing] Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus vegan options.
Scully: Why?