Captain Holt: Where is Kevin?
Jake: Don't worry, he's safe. Look, Captain, I just want to say that I'm sorry.
Captain Holt: You should be. You should have abided by my security rules.
Jake: You're right. But I want you to know, I didn't take Kevin to the library because I was stir-crazy. It was because I didn't want you guys to get divorced.
Captain Holt: How is that any concern of yours?
Jake: I don't know, I just I've been around so many failed marriages in my life.
You know, first my mom and my dad, then Charles and Eleanor, Hitchcock and Brandi, Hitchcock and Francine, Hitchcock and Brandi again, Hitchcock and Madison-
Captain Holt: Madison wasn't his daughter? But he dropped her off at college last fall.
Jake: I know, it was really gross. But the point is, I just couldn't stand to see you two fall apart.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Captain Holt: Hello, Kevin. It's me, Raymond Holt. We need to get you to safety. Your life is in danger.

Captain Holt: I brought you your box of DVDs.
Jake: Oh, thank you. Oh! Forgot about this one. We never watched "Captain Corelli's Mandolin".
Kevin: What the hell did you just say?
Jake: "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin: Say that to my face.
Jake: "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin: There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?
Jake: Well I didn't think it was any good. It's just some period piece.
Kevin: What?
Jake: Set in Greece.
Kevin: Oh, my God.
Jake: Based on some dumb book. *Kevin knocks the DVD out of Jake's hands* Aah!
Kevin: Terribly sorry. It has been a very trying time.

Charles: Okay, first of all, Rosa, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki, for you, under the name Gabriella Fuentes de San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name.
Rosa: Clearly.