Trudy Judy: Doug said you have a beautiful voice.
Jake: Oh, he did? [singing] Well, I Suppose that's true.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: [singing] Doug Judy I wish you were alive, Doug Judy God will give you a high five [high-pitched] Doug Judy-
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no, he gave himself a key change.
Jake: [singing] Yeah, yeah, yeah, Doug Judy You're a friend, friend, friend Doug Judy! [screeching] This song is at its end Thank you so much. [screeching]
[talking] You've been a great audience. I mean, it's a funeral. That's psychotic. I'm so sorry.

Rob Dulubnik: Okay, defectives. My guys can handle that.
Amy: Oh, can they? 'Cause the Nine-Nine's about to bring the real heat.
Hitchcock: Get ready for the back draft, bitch.

Charles: We don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning, so if you throw up, you're disqualified.
Rosa: I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.