Gintars: Hello, my little friend. Did you have good day at school?
Nikolaj: We had computer class today.
Gintars: I am your real father! My name is Gintars. You are my son.
Charles: What?
Jake: Well. That backfired real quick.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Captain Holt: Do you see me as a father figure, Peralta?
Jake: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, show your father some respect.
Jake: I didn't call him dad.
Captain Holt: No, no. Jacob, I take it as a compliment.
Charles: It's not a big deal. I called Vivian mom once and she's my fiancée.
Jake: Guys, jump on that. Boyle has psycho-sexual issues.
Amy: Old news. But you calling Holt daddy.
Jake: Hey, daddy is not on the table here.
Suspect: Well, you did call him dad, dude.
Jake: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.
Suspect: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the daddy thing that happened.
Jake: Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.
Captain Holt: I believed you-
Jake: Thank you.
Captain Holt: -son. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?
Jake: I'd like that.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Gintars: It's gift for Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj?
Jake: How do you know Charles's son?
Gintars: My name is Gintars. From Latvia. I am Nikolaj birth father.
Charles: Ohh! Nikolaj's birth father who I'd never hope to meet. Very cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, c-c-c-c-c [passes out]

Dr. Ronald Yee: The flies don't sense blood. They're just regular flies.
Amy: But, Dr. Yee, you can't be a fraud. You gave a TED Talk.

Amy: What are you saying out of your weird face?
Rosa: We put the flies near fresh blood, and nothing happened. They didn't react at all.
Captain Holt: Do you know how stupid these accusations sound? Diaz, you're fired.
Rosa: What?
Amy: Dr. Yee is one of the most respected forensic experts in the country.
Captain Holt: For you two - let's not mince words - common fools to suggest that you found the flaw in this brilliant man's-
Dr. Ronald Yee: They're right.