Charles: Let's take these hats out for a spin. I've waited long enough. Here you go. Best Bud #1.
Jake: You'd rather be Best Bud #2?
Charles: I just want you to listen a little more. I don't wanna change our whole dynamic.
Jake: Okay, good, 'cause I really wanted to be Best Bud #1.
Charles: I know you did.
Both: Clink!
Jake: Oh, they're way too small.
Charles: Ooh, they're tight.
Jake: They're way too small.
Charles: Hurt.
Jake: They don't fit.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Gintars: It's gift for Nikolaj.
Charles: Nikolaj?
Jake: How do you know Charles's son?
Gintars: My name is Gintars. From Latvia. I am Nikolaj birth father.
Charles: Ohh! Nikolaj's birth father who I'd never hope to meet. Very cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, c-c-c-c-c [passes out]

Dr. Ronald Yee: The flies don't sense blood. They're just regular flies.
Amy: But, Dr. Yee, you can't be a fraud. You gave a TED Talk.

Amy: What are you saying out of your weird face?
Rosa: We put the flies near fresh blood, and nothing happened. They didn't react at all.
Captain Holt: Do you know how stupid these accusations sound? Diaz, you're fired.
Rosa: What?
Amy: Dr. Yee is one of the most respected forensic experts in the country.
Captain Holt: For you two - let's not mince words - common fools to suggest that you found the flaw in this brilliant man's-
Dr. Ronald Yee: They're right.