Scully: We barely got to know her.
Hitchcock: And now we never will.
Charles: I feel so bad for them, but what do you say to someone that's suffered this kind of loss?
Amy: I mean, it's kind of on them for not checking the voltage on a machine that has a built in air-fryer.
Hitchcock: Don't blame the victim, Amy.

Hitchcock: Guys, I figured out what went wrong between Anna and me. My job. I'm a workaholic! Not anymore. From now on, I'm focusing on what really matters. Come on, Scully, let's get some wings.
Scully: Aw, bud, I thought you'd never ask.

Hitchcock: What's she saying?
Captain Holt: She says that Boris is not a good man. He's cheating on her sister. She knows because he's the real father of her baby.
Rosa: Oh.
Hitchcock: What? Oh, no!

Jake: Congratulations, Hitchcock, it's the first wedding I've ever been to with a cover charge.
Hitchcock: It's for our honeymoon. We're going to Barbados, and we'll have the island all to ourselves, because it's Dengue Fever season.
Amy: But your wife is pregnant.
Hitchcock: You can't live in fear. Don't want to spend every moment worried about Dengue or black mold or those weird spots on the MRI they found on your brain.
Amy: Hitchcock, is your brain okay?
Hitchcock: The point is: I don't care.

Hitchcock: Also, Anna's family is from the Old Country and kind of conservative, so try not to mention the baby to them.
Jake: Perfect; I'll just do what I always do at weddings: Not talk to anyone I don't know already.
Hitchcock: You're the best, Jake. That's why you're the baby's godfather.
Jake: Wait. I am?

Hitchcock: Oh, come on. It's like every woman in this city has all of her teeth. Stupid Bloomberg and his stupid soda ban!

Hitchcock: Make it a double. My heart has a hole in it. I might as well fill it with booze.
Anna Rubov: Same for me. Except my hole's in my mouth.
Hitchcock: It's you! My toothless Cinderella!

Hitchcock: Now all I have to remember her by is this tooth.
Rosa: What the hell? Why do you have that?
Hitchcock: We were eating pizza, and it fell out of her mouth.
Scully: Well, this is perfect. We can use it to find her.
Hitchcock: What do you mean?
Scully: We just have to try fitting that tooth into the mouth of every woman in New York City till we find the matching gum hole of your one true love.
Hitchcock: My life is like a fairy tale!

Hitchcock: We walked along the river for hours, just talking and laughing. She even gave me her real number.
Rosa: Really?
Hitchcock: Check it out.
Rosa: That's just a dirty old napkin covered in sauce.
Hitchcock: Oh, no. Her number! It's totally ruined. I knew I shouldn't have had those breakfast wings.

Scully: Aw, buddy, you'll be okay.
Hitchcock: It doesn't feel like it. My heart is ruined forever. I'm done with love. I'll never find anyone as--. Oh, my God! Get a load of the can on her! See ya dorks, I'm gonna get some.
Jake: Well, Hitchcock still sucks.

Hitchcock: It's official! I'm in love. I just spent the night with the woman of my dreams.
Rosa: The lady from your divorce party?
Hitchcock: Yeah. She's my soulmate. She's funny. She's beautiful. She has almost no scars.
Scully: Hot biscuits. It sounds like you hooked a live one.

Hitchcock: I can't believe Bethany's gone. It was so out of the blue.
Jake: Well, not entirely. I mean, she did have an affair with her hairdresser, and you filmed it and threatened to release the tape, and then she said she didn't care and put it on the internet herself, and then when it started to make money, you sued her for half the profits.
Hitchcock: And then boom, out of the blue: Divorce papers.

Hitchcock: It was her. I heard her setting up a drop.
Jake: And why were you in the women's room?
Hitchcock: It wasn't for a gross reason. The men's room was occupied, and I had to dump out.
Jake: Well, as long as it wasn't for a gross reason.

Jake: Why aren't you hiding? Are you quitting?
Hitchcock: Oh, no, quite the opposite. This little guy keeps Scully's liver from imploding, but it has a neat side effect. It also masks your natural odor and makes you smell like a dead fish.
Amy: Ew.
Hitchcock: Who's got two stinky thumbs that stink like rotten salmon? This stinky guy.
Jake: You suck.

Charles: Okay, here we go, everyone. The game begins when the elevator doors ding. Are you ready for the Hellevator?
Hitchcock: Buckle up. The juice is loose! I am, Hitchcock!
Jake: What the [bleep]?