Quotes from ‘The Pontiac Bandit Returns’

The Pontiac Bandit Returns

'The Pontiac Bandit Returns' - Season 2, Episode 10

When Jake and Rosa catch the Pontiac Bandit, Doug Judy, who betrayed them on a previous case, he bargains for a plea deal by promising to turn in a top "Giggle Pig" supplier. Meanwhile, Gina and Boyle worry their parents are getting to close, while Amy ignores the Captain's wishes and makes him a unique Christmas gift.

Air Date: December 7, 2014.

Quote from Gina

Charles: Gina, you need to see this.
Gina: Oh, Charles. I can't take that. It's clearly not cash, and I don't have time in my life to return things.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Amy: I asked the captain what qualified as a gift and he said anything I spend money on. Then I realized, my time is worth nothing.
Terry: Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Amy: I've got to tell the captain. Do you think he'll be upset?
Terry: Probably not. I mean he seems like the kind of laid back guy who delights in having his mistakes exposed. Maybe next year you can do a collage about low points in his marriage.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Not a gift, snitch. It didn't cost me anything. Just my worthless man hours.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Attention everybody, holidays of many cultures approach. This truly is a joyful time. Join me for a festive Winter party at Shaw's Bar this Friday, 7-9. Any questions
Scully: AM or PM?
Captain Holt: I'm gonna let you figure that one out.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Also, I'd like to reiterate my gift policy: none allowed. Enjoy this Merry Season.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Nog! Nog! A little Christmas humor.
Captain Holt: Yes, the Nog from Egg-Nog used in place of knock.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Oh yeah, the one without the daddy is the one with daddy issues? Explain that logic.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'll have one Lobster Thermidor, extra thermidor on the side. I have no idea what I'm ordering.

Len Boyle: Thank you, Charles and Gina, for inviting us on this double date. Kind of like a fun, Christmas four-way. Darlene Linetti: Well put, Len. A very sweet sentiment.

Darlene Linetti: A digital scale? Len Boyle, you're a horrible, horrible man. You went way over our price limit. And I love it!

Jake: You are not to enjoy it.
Doug Judy: I can't help it. I'm proud of you. You're like a son to me. A white, crispy son.
Jake: How would that even work? Am I adopted?
Doug Judy: No, your mother's just really pale. Almost invisible.

Quote from Charles

Gina: Boyle, this is bad. I thought our parents were just having a casual fling, but presents is like old people third base.
Boyle: No, that's rubbing butts together.

Quote from Charles

Gina: Do you know how disgustingly entangled our lives will be if our parents turn into a real couple?
Boyle: Yes! You think I want you and your mom horning in on the Boyle boys mimosa brunches? That's our guy time.
Gina: Ugh.

Quote from Gina

Boyle: How did you do that?
Gina: I always open my gifts in advance, so I can rehearse my reactions and nail those Christmas-morning candids. Check it out. Be-wonderment. (Gasps) Disbe-loving it. Sparkle-surprise.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I've already got my cover story worked out. My name is Dante Thunderstone. I stole my first car at the tender age of nine.
Doug Judy: You had to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightning.
Jake: While she was pregnant with me. She passed. I lived.
Some say that makes Zeus my dad.
Oh! Mythic.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I know you're being sarcastic, sarge, but I really do love making collages.

Doug Judy: All right, this next part is like french kissing.
Jake: Got it. Jam it in there and move it around wildly.
Doug Judy: I gotta ask, Peralta, do the ladies enjoy that technique?

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm making a scrapbook of his professional highlights. Newspaper clippings, police reports, pictures. It's got every moment of his career, "From Ray to Z".

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Do you know why I don't accept gifts?
Amy: Because you're so evolved, you don't need material things.
Captain Holt: Because I don't like brown-nosing.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Ooh, more work! I know that sounded sarcastic-
Terry: Nobody thought that.
Captain Holt: Not for a moment.

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