Amy: So no passed hors d'oeuvres?
The Vulture: I can't even answer that.
All right, tough guy. What do you got planned?
Rosa: I don't know. Meet at a bar and ... drink there.
The Vulture: That's it? Well, it's still better than Santiago's.
Look, this is real important to me, all right? My brother's hot wife is gonna be there, and I haven't seen her since his funeral.
Amy: Wow.
The Vulture: Yeah, right? I mean, you only get one shot at your brother's widow.

Amy: Well, I was thinking a DJ, two signature cocktails, passed hors d'oeuvres-
The Vulture: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Passed hors d'oeuvres? What is this, a fundraiser for French dorks?

The Vulture: All right, sluggers. Let's see what you got for the big b-day bash.
Amy: I thought you wanted us to surprise you.
The Vulture: It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupid-ago.

The Vulture: Ah, there you are.
I got something real special for the two of you.
Amy: Great, what do you got?
The Vulture: A month from today it's my birthday. I need you to throw me a party, all right? Make it epic. Surprise me.
Amy: Are you asking us to plan you a birthday party?
The Vulture: Yeah, Helen Keller.
Pay attention.
Rosa: Did you choose us because we're women?
The Vulture: Women love planning parties. It's in the Bible.

The Vulture: Was that the sound of a juicy file I heard plopping down on Peralta's desk? Yeah, it was. You just lost your overtime privileges for the month. Everybody, listen up. Anyone caught working on a case that I didn't assign loses their overtime. Capooch?

The Vulture: Congratulations. You just called yourself wieners. Dismissed.

Jake: Captain, we all want you to win that bet, but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases?
The Vulture: Look, I'm gonna keep it real simple for you. We only solve misdemeanors, wieners. Say it.

The Vulture: All right, ladies. I don't have a lot of time here, so what's say you act like Boyle's mom and debrief me?

The Vulture: I'm going to stop you right there. Hugs are an inappropriate form of workplace touching. Trust me. I'm very familiar with the sexual harassment guidelines. That'll be all.

The Vulture: You know, I've made a lot of improvements since you left. I got a fridge for my protein shakes. I got a kettlebell station. I got a wolf that I killed in Utah.
Captain Holt: I'm fairly certain that's a dog.
The Vulture: Yeah, it was dark.

The Vulture: Busted! I knew you were faking it. I bet you don't even like nip slips.

Jake: So listen, I've been thinking, we got off on the wrong foot here. And I believe it's because we're just too damn similar.
The Vulture: You do?
Jake: Absolutely. We both love premium tequila. Robin Thicke.
The Vulture: Oh yeah.
Jake: Gots to have my puks.
The Vulture: Gots to.
Jake: And, of course, most importantly, nip slips.
The Vulture: Ha. Let me ask you a question, Jake. Do you also like Okinawan martial arts? Because you left this in my back.
What I'm saying, Einstein, is that you stabbed me in my back.

The Vulture: Whasup, ding dongs? I'm your new captain.
Jake: The Vulture.
Amy: Oh, this is bad.
Charles: No.
Rosa: Still hot.
The Vulture: I know we have our history. Me vulturing your cases. Me telling you to eat my farts. But that's all in the past. Because now that I run this precinct, things are going to get much, much worse. So suck it.
Jake: No!

The Vulture: Yo, is this a police station or a toilet? 'Cause all I see is turds.
Charles: Oh, Detective Pembroke. Oh, no. I spilled coffee on you by accident.
The Vulture: Lucky for you, this wipes off quickly. This coat's made out of whale skin.

Rosa: Hey, Pembroke. What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?
The Vulture: Oh, yeah? What case is that?
Rosa: The case of how you got so damn sexy.
The Vulture: God owed me a favor. Case solved.