Jake: Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.
Amy: No, no, it's okay. Go on.
Jake: I love how much you pretend to like Die Hard.
Amy: I like the second one.
Jake: You don't have to.
Amy: Okay.
Jake: Yeah. You're kind, and you're funny, and you're the best person I know, and the best detective. Also, for reals, I love your butt.
Amy: I love yours too.
Jake: Gross. Amy Santiago will you marry me?
Amy: Jake Peralta, I will marry you.

Jake: Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. One cop heroically saving the day while every one else stands around and watches. It's the story of my life.

Jake: Oh my God, it's real life Die Hard. I mean, oh, no, crime.

Jake: Trust me, it's gonna be fine.
Charles: Really? 'Cause you said that about Die Hard 5, Jake.
Jake: Oh. It's not gonna be fine.

Jake: Okay, you ready?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: Hello.
Amy: Oh, my God. Are you Melvil Dewey?
Jake: Indeed I am. I invented the Dewey decimal system, but right now I'm working on the Do-me decimal system.
Amy: Mm-hmm, yeah. This is really working for me.
Jake: Really?
Amy: Yeah.
Jake: Awesome.
Amy: So, Mr. Dewey, can you save me from the terrorists that have taken over Nakatomi Plaza?
Jake: Yes, Holly Gennaro, I just need to file them in the library card catalog.
Amy: Yeah, this is really hard to track. Let's just take our clothes off.
Jake: Oh, thank God. This old jacket is so hot.

Captain Holt: What the hell is going on?
Jake: I can't let you quit.
Captain Holt: Yes, but why the candles and rose petals?
Jake: Wuh-oh.
Amy: Is that Mr. McClane I hear? 'Cause someone's about to Die Har- Oh, my God. Why is Captain Holt here?
Jake: Because he's gonna- Wait, are you dressed like Bonnie Bedelia in Die Hard?
Amy: I am.
Jake: For sexy reasons?
Amy: Yes.
Jake: Oh, boy.

Charles: Okay, no butter-syrup, no talking about Die Hard.
Jake: Okay, I can do that.
Charles: Or Die Hard 2 or Die Hard 3.
Jake: What? Come on. So you just want me to talk about the fourth one?
Charles: There's a fourth one?
Jake: Charles!
Charles: No judging me for not knowing the Die Hard.

Charles: Oh, my God, he's beautiful. Oh, Jake, he's got your face.
Amy: Charles, meet Mac.
Jake: Short for McClane.
Charles: As in Shirley? I love it.
Jake: No, as in John, from Die Hard.
Charles: I mean, they're both incredibly cool. Only one Oscar winner.

Jake: All the death threats were sent from New York, so the perp is local. They'll probably try and strike at the book reading tomorrow night.
Sergeant Jeffords: And he's probably camped out on the street with the other fan boys. They've been lined up for three days.
Jake: To listen to an old man read a story? I will never understand this world.
Sergeant Jeffords: You once took a train to Toronto to get a Canadian VHS copy of Die Hard.
Jake: There was a rumor it was better sound quality. Get a grip, Terry.

Jake: Can we go in, sir?
Captain Holt: Fine, just make it quick.
Jake: Yes! Pull in over there, Argyle!
Captain Holt: What?
Jake: That's the name of the driver in the movie. We're going to Nakatomi Plaza. There's gonna be role-play.

Jake: A Nakatomi Plaza cake? The groom is on a licorice hose.
Amy: [as Bruce Willis] Welcome to the wedding, pal.
Jake: Oh, Amy. These nups may be getting too toit.

Jake: I'm still not sure who the second-best Die Hard villain is, though, you know? Probably Jeremy Irons. But maybe it's Timothy Olyphant, or it could be William Atherton.
Amy: Definitely the last one.
Jake: Right?
[current:]
Amy: No, I really think it's William Atherton.

Amy: Teddy, I don't want to be with you.
Teddy: But you want to be with him? You guys have nothing in common.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Tell that to William Atherton the man we both consider to be the second-best Die Hard villain.
Jake: [gasps] She meant it.

Charles: How are going to get past them without a gun fight?
Jake: I'll tell you how John McClane would do it. The vents.
Charles: Ah, blast the A/C, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
Jake: No, we're gonna climb through them.
Charles: Even better. Classic use of vents.

Jake: Okay, both of you, stop. You're acting like children. You know what? That's it, if you're gonna act like kids, then I'm gonna act like a parent.
Roger Peralta: "Cry Hard with a Vengeance"?
Jake: Yeah. It's Bruce Willis's book about parenting. And we're gonna read it.

Jake: This is my John McClane moment.

Sergeant Jeffords: What up, Jake? Why are these dicks out of their cage?
Jake: I stayed up all night working on your case, and Hans, John, and Nakatomi made for great company. I gave them all Die Hard names.

Charles: Yippie kayak, other buckets!
Jake: Boyle! You did it! And you completely botched the catchphrase.
Charles: I'm pretty sure it was right.
Jake: No, but you did great.